


somatic

by telavasir



Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2020-07-28 21:26:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 22,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20070841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/telavasir/pseuds/telavasir
Summary: relating to the body, especially as distinct from the mind.





	1. a complexity that isn’t there.

**Author's Note:**

> i don't know what i'm doing! enjoy!

By comparison, Peebee’s interest in comfort was reflected by her quick and immediate choice of a homestead within an escape pod when her Nexus apartment afforded comforts that are often regarded as luxurious. She preferred something that hit a little closer to home- an almost impossibly small domicile that could be ditched as quickly as it was claimed. The only drawback was its location and susceptibility to frequent passerby traffic between the bridge, airlock, and several other points of interest. It almost deemed the escape pod the center point for several frequented locations, which perfectly fit the original purpose. 

The escape pod, like the Tempest crew, provided something that got the job done and created an effective and simple  _ ‘ends to means _ ’ in the current endeavor she actively pursued. With that, as all things, came an unspoken requirement of a particular conformity. She wasn’t assigned or deemed a role on a pathfinder crew by the plethora of questionable paperwork prescribed to her name, but now that she was with the crew Ryder deemed it necessary to document her and her presence. 

“You’re on the team, so you’re my responsibility.” Ryder had said when Peebee initially scoffed at the request to formally add the proper information to corresponding databases, and eventually shirked the task to Cora to collect. As tenacious as Cora initially seemed the task was an eventuality that was pushed through the simple idea of,  _ ‘no paperwork, no missions’ _ .

The follow-up, when data collection was completed, was the physical that she actively avoided. Beyond a long standing disposition of animus towards doctors, it didn’t help that she quickly learned that Dr. Lexi T’Perro was also a psychologist. For days, Peebee found success in avoiding the physical through carefully non-affirmations to Cora and Ryder and carefully planning particular tasks that just couldn’t be interrupted or impeded when someone approach her on the subject of the physical.

At least three weeks passed before the gyp was up. 

On Havarl, Ryder decided to take Cora and Vetra along for first contact. There was a moment where she wanted to protest, being the one to find and mark the location in the Eos vault but it seemed anticipated. The Pathfinder had briefly explained the reason for their choice, but added “The med bay may have more answers,” before retreating to the airlock.

_ Hint taken _ , she conceded. It took several minutes of frustrated pacing, fervently talking to herself, and mentally creating and instantly throwing away several half cocked plans to circumvent the physical. Finding no purchase, and knowing that she wouldn’t, Peebee strode towards the med bay under the impression that the faster she got it done the quicker it would end.

The Tempest med bay was almost identical to several medical bays on the Nexus, but compacted into a small room. A dual set of full body scanners took up the most space, while unpacked crates and boxes littered several corners below monitors and adjacent to desks. Not as neurotically clean as she expected but didn't lack the faint smell of omni-gel residue and antiseptic. 

Dr. Lexi T’Perro was standing in front of one of the desks adjacent to the body scanner, analyzing information on the data pad in her hand. 

“Peebee,” She greeted with a quick look over her shoulder at the hiss of automated doors, the data pad set down among others, “You’re here, I assume, for the physical.”

“Ryder insisted.” Said deadpan, as she delved deeper into the med bay to meet the doctor. “So, what do I need to do to get this over with?”

“Well, I have most of your information from the Nexus,” Lexi said, pausing for a moment and choosing a different data pad to pick up, “so the process is more of a comparison and check.”

“Sure, sure.” Peebee’s eyes rolled, previously believing that it would be a waste of time, but that confirmed it. Comparison and check was something that could have been emailed, or even just a short delivery of a data pad for her to fill out. 

Lexi briefly smiled at the compliance. “Any detailed medical history I should know about? Your medical records on the Nexus aren’t as…”

“Tangible? Comprehensible?”

“Thorough.” Lexi clarified pointedly. “The basic details seem to be in order, but there are a lot of places that are either filled out incorrectly or your initial doctor was blind.”

“That’s the Initiative for you.” Peebee shrugged dismissively knowing that any existing medical file about her was no more reliable than any other actual documentation about her or her reason for being thawed earlier than necessary. “As far as this physical is concerned, I am the picture of health- no chronic illnesses, allergies or any other infirmity for you to dissect into an 800 page dissertation.” 

The doctor paused, attention shifting to the data pad in her hand. “So quick to assume that you’re that interesting,” the doctor said while fingers tapping lightly at it’s interface. “Have you taken part in any medications for any period of time before or after arriving in Andromeda?” she continued without looking up from the small screen.

It had caught Peebee off guard at first, her simple taunt. She admittedly placed her expectations of Lexi along the line of a parochial traditionalist- an exemplary member of asari society that often found more value in etiquette and reputation rather than having an actual conversation let alone let a small jeer slide. Thoughts aside, she answered. “Not a single one--never needed them, never will. Anything else? I’d love to stay and chat but I have things to do, people to see, remnant to study.”

“One or two.” Lexi said, working to add the information to the data pad. When finished, she stood before Peebee, “Since I get the feeling that you’ll adamantly refuse to be regarded as my patient, you can consider the question personal, but it’s--”

Peebee’s mirthless laugh interrupted her, “No.” Her frustration was quick to flare. “—Good try but if you’re trying to get some…” She paused, skepticism showcasing itself in frustrated purse of lips and a bemused waves of hands, “some elaborate look into my psyche—Not happening. The last thing I need is you trying to get into my head—“ another huffed exhale, “No personal questions.”

There was no expression made in an effort to engage on the doctor’s part- not even seething with the frustrations she had initially expected from the asari. 

Lexi was wholly unaffected by it, as if she were a child refusing to do something as trivial as cleaning up after herself. She remained composed and resolutely observant, as if while Peebee stood there scrutinized by her gaze, Lexi was silently trying to figure her out, probably picking at small details and drawing long winded psychobabble from nothing.

“If you feel so strongly about it, I won’t press you any further.” Lexi said unperturbed, retreating without protest to return back to her work-space. “Feel free to return to your escape pod.”

Peebee stood nonplussed. Dr. T’Perro continued on as if she wasn’t even standing there, returning attention to the collection of data organized before her. The unfortunate truth- she  _ needed  _ to be here. 

The physical was an unfortunate prerequisite for any further moves forward, and the only obstacle stood quietly and ignored her. If the proposition of possibly having personal information covertly taken and turned into a psych report did not honestly frustrate her, then this certainly did. 

“You can’t just—“ Peebee started as Lexi’s curious gaze met hers at the prospect of a newly started conversation. “That’s not how—“ another full stop. 

Peebee bounced between bristling frustration and the feeling that even though the conversation was apparently over by Lexi’s word, it felt as if it would perpetually exist in the air until she found her own satisfactory end to it.

“Ryder won’t like it.” A voiced thought that she knew better than to use to explain or reason- it felt pitiful and as childish as Lexi seemed to make her feel in that moment- but used it anyway simply due to a lack of options.

Lexi offered a weary look at first, her eyes seemingly trying to read the situation. “And Ryder, when the time comes, will see what data I have collected and make their decision.” Lexi said in cool tones. The doctor’s expression eased, turning her attention elsewhere once again. “A full physical is required before you go out in the field on the Initiative’s bill—which you  _ are  _ on since deciding to join the Pathfinder’s efforts.”

Mulling over the details, Peebee weighed her options. Every outcome deemed the same fact: nothing was worth missing out on more vaults. 

The remnant were her  _ thing _ , the ability to discover something entirely new alongside the only person in the Heleus cluster that could unlock it was all she wanted. Absolutely nothing was worth losing that over.

“Fine.” Peebee mildly snapped.

Lexi turned back to face Peebee, whose arms crossed over her chest. “I was going to ask about your family’s medical history, but I will have you fill out a form to make both our lives easier. The physical, however, Is a very simple, non-invasive procedure that takes fifteen minutes or less.”

“ _ Or less _ is preferred.”

Lexi smiled, setting down the data pad on the desk behind her to face Peebee. “Very manageable if the patient can willingly comply.”

“Cute.” Peebee said, “And don’t do that- the smiling thing- someone might mistake you for being friendly.”

“Perhaps I am.” Lexi retorted, the tips of her fingers touching at the base of Peebee’s neck. “Or would you prefer I be rude?

“Isn’t that what you’ve been the entire time?” Peebee grumbled, squirming briefly as thumbs and palms checked points up to the base of her jaw until pairs fingers touched just under ears. It earned her a chiding glare from the doctor. “Actually I take that back. I don’t think you could be rude to save your life-  _ irritating  _ maybe, but rude? Doubtful. It would almost be worth seeing.”

“Even if you were my first victim?” Lexi fingers managing the same ministrations along her crest briefly, slight smirk in her features. “Turn your head.”

Peebee complied, then said, “probably not, well—it depends.”

“Other way- and on  _ what _ exactly?”

“How good you are at it. Just because you’re  _ trying  _ to be rude, doesn’t mean you are or can be.”

“I’m sure I could manage—look forward again.” Lexi said, stepping away momentarily to grab a data pad from her desk, and returning a new distance away. “Cover your right eye, read the first line.”

Peebee frowned at the request, “Really?”

“Yes really. The more time you waste, the longer the physical will last.”

With hand over eye, she hastily read the string of numbers of letters listed. When Lexi commanded the same deed but with a new line of text and a different eye, she did the same without protest. 

“Excellent. I need you to remove your jacket for the next part, your scans.” Lexi said, returning the data pad among others. 

Peebee hesitated, but not because of the request. 

Her physicality wasn’t something she had any reason to feel insecure about- she never had. In reality, she had often chose to take on partners in her lifetime that were nothing less than one offs. 

Since coming to a new galaxy, Peebee hadn’t continued the same behaviors- recent experiences in Heleus left her devoid of that trust. It was better to fill her time with different experiences, discovering something more and decidedly leaving personal attachments and physical attachments behind. Even feeling that even the most temporary exploratory sensual escapades were a risk. It made her feel detached at times, lonely even, but its was buried under the desire to solve the enigmatic mysteries of the remnant. 

Though logically the request was obviously a minor objective request, it still felt oddly personal. 

“Peebee? Your jacket.” Lexi reiterated after noting Peebee’s distrait expression. “If you’re uncomfortable I could find attire for you to switch into. The tech in your jacket will interfere with the scanner.”

“I’m getting to it,” she replied. Peebee started to remove the bits and pieces of the ensemble, then said, “Can’t wait to see me without it, huh?”

The doctor’s brows furrowed, “Of all the things you have said to me, that may have been the most absurd.”

A moment passed until Peebee stood in a black sleeveless crop top with a medium collar that hugged her neck as much as it did the other parts of her it covered. She couldn’t get a read on the look Lexi gave her beyond devoid, clinical. Her green eyes had displayed nothing new or different from anything shown throughout their encounter.

“Turn around, please.” Lexi requested, and Peebee compiled without comment. “If anything I do hurts, feel free to inform me.”

Lexi placed the pad of thumbs into the small of her back, fingers wrapping around the waist. Her thumbs traveled higher, pressing into her back, fingers still drifting at her sides.

Feeling the measured touch reminded Peebee of how long it had been since anyone had touched her, intimately or affectionately. Lexi continued the pressure along her back while that thought alone resonated with the idea that she simultaneously missed and loathed the touch. 

Dr. T’Perro, by her standards, wasn’t all that bad looking. From what she distantly collected, Lexi stood poised, controlled in every setting she was placed in, sharing faint smiles, and gentle reminders between conversational versatility and polite engaging touches—at least when she spoke to someone she enjoyed talking to. She wondered if that was reflective of something suppressed, a life full of work that it became devoid of sex or love.

It eventually reminded her of Kalinda, the way she could conduct herself among the higher-class moguls of Thessia’s commercial conglomerate, treated it like a cake walk, and took her along for the ride. Peebee loved it then, going to all those fancy parties, dressing the part, and feeling, even in a room of the highest paid asari in the galaxy, she was still special, different, important when she easily be considered anything but. It would have been a lie if she said she didn’t miss it; long nights out, draped over Kalinda’s arm while she talked to matriarchs, and then returning to her lover’s luxurious condos for another long near sleepless night. 

Kalinda, however, admitted to a hatred of suppressing herself to appeal to those around her and did little to do so when they were together, and she couldn’t see Lexi doing the same. 

“Peebee.” Lexi said, drawing her attention away from trailing thoughts. When she turned face to catch Lexi in the corner of her eye with a short, absentminded “ _ Huh? _ ”

“I said you can lay on the scanner now.” Lexi repeated, her tones still level and calm even when it seemed like she had said the suggestion several times. 

Peebee laid on the scanner with ease, watching Lexi key something into it’s interface. “Have you ever been to Thessia?” She asked, her previous thoughts still holding ground in her mind, “ seen what the cities are like?” 

“Once, for schooling,” Lexi answered absently, absorbed in the medical equipment. “Why?”

“Just curious,” a pause, as the scanners fixtures began to move parallel to her body, then, “I lived on Thessia for a while, in Serrice. Went there initially for another degree, it was my 12 th —or 13 th —thought I’d try my hand at astrology. Strangely enough, Serrice was the kind of city I would have probably decided to live in once I got old enough, or bored enough. There’s always a party to be at, always something new to try, the city is always changing no matter the day or time.”

“It sounds eventful. Any reason why you didn’t stay?” 

Peebee shrugged, “Same reason as any other; got my degree, and after a few months, got bored. Left it behind, never looked back.”

Lexi began again after a silence had begun to develop between them. “Before I went to school on Thessia I had to learn everything from my mother and father since Omega didn’t exactly have a reliable education system. But, I once had a tutor very early in my maiden years, a dancer for Afterlife and a friend of my mother. She once told me she previously lived in Serrice, worked for Serrice Technology for decades before suddenly quitting because she grew bored of the corporate lifestyle.”

“Vetra mentioned you were from Omega,” Peebee scoffed, “but I thought she was lying.”

“Why?” Lexi asked, amused.

“Because you’re—well you’re so uptight.”

“I see.” Lexi paused, “The same way that an asari from Port Lerama could be so…”

“—Exciting? Adventurous? Daring?” 

“Intrepid.” Lexi finished, moving back over to the scanner’s controls at the fixture came to a stop, “You can sit up. There’s something in your scan I want to check before I let you return to your business.”

Peebee sat up, hoping off the edge to stand. “You know, If that’s your way of showing that you can be rude, it needs a little work. How’d you know I was from Port Lerama?” 

“Some files on the Nexus are more accurate than you think- Raise your arms, level to shoulders.” Lexi requested, rounding behind Peebee, her hands coming to examine each arm with scrutiny. Lexi allowed a short silence between them, then said, “I hear Hyetiana is very peaceful.”

“That’s just another way to say boring.” Peebee said definitively, but deciding to not say anymore. She found herself focused on Lexi’s examination. Her hands moved, and tested several parts of her arms the way she had touched her back, slow and deliberate. 

The doctor guided her hands along Peebee’s arms as a sign that she could let them down, her touch lingering on forearms before sidestepping from behind. “You can put your jacket back on.” Lexi said, her tone different, almost seemingly cold. But she didn’t put much charge to it as she donned the clothing back over the black top.

“So, we all done here, or?”

“One last thing.” Lexi said, returning to face Peebee.

Lexi’s hand encircled Peebee’s holding them for a moment, gaze focused on them and pads of thumbs rubbing circles over the back of her hands. 

Dr. T’Perro touched at her hands, slowly turning them over so palms face the ceiling, treating them gently. The way she cradled her hands in her palms, thumbs resting on wrists, sparked a sense of comfort. Lexi seemed to linger there, holding her hands, wondering if the downward gaze and soft touch were the beginning of something… unexpected.    


Logically, her mind knew it was improbable to believe Lexi would succumb to something so intimate so quickly and doubted that Lexi would be harboring some kind of hidden affection for her.

But what if she did?

Pelessaria didn't assume something as vastly narcissistic as love at first sight, but the making of a crush couldn't have been too far off the mark.

“Peebee?” Lexi said, voice softer than before. “Are you nervous?”

“ _ Me _ ? No, of course not.  _ Why _ ? Are you?”

“Your heart rate spiked momentarily. Is there something bothering you?” Lexi asked, and for the first time since she’d grabbed Peebee’s hands they locked eyes. Peebee was looking for something in the shimmer of studying irises, wonder what could be hiding in them. 

Peebee shook her head. “Not at all, just eager to get back to my escape pod. I’m still holding you to that  _ ‘or less’ _ part of the fifteen minutes deal.”

Lexi smiled at the reminder, but took a moment to let hands drift along her palms making Peebee pause. She was convinced. Dr. T’Perro  _ had _ to have something harboring something behind all her composure with a move like that, she was sure of it or at least convincing herself that she was. Peebee didn’t want to look at the touch as if looking at it would confirm her suspicions, until she felt a sharp prick on her finger.

“ _ Shit! _ ” Peebee snatched her hands away from Lexi’s grip to tend to newly bleeding finger, “What the  _ hell _ was that?”

“Blood sample.” She replied nonchalantly, “The physical is now officially over, and you are free to rummage about in your escape pod. Though, I do have to recommend that you take the time to sleep in a proper bed to avoid any future back problems.”

“Where were you even hiding the needle? How did you even—“ She paused, “do you normally go around stabbing people without them knowing? Is this a new talent of yours?”

“Not new, no.” Lexi said, amusement in tone, “I suppose a few lessons on Omega stuck, even after all this time.” She returned to her work station, tending to the newly gained blood sample.

Peebee found herself hesitating again, with Dr. Lexi’s attention no longer on her she thought she might start missing it. 

Lexi turned out to be different from what she expected.

“Right,  _ whatever _ .” Peebee’s final words before leaving the med bay; fully out of the attention and space of Dr. T’Perro and upset simply at the fact that she was smiling. 

**[ @ ]**

When the Tempest docks at the Nexus, Lexi usually follows a set of standard protocol. It required a set of stock checks, equipment tests, and several other tasks that ensure that the med bay remains fully stocked and ready for the worst. What became closer to routine was the assistance of Vetra in the process. She had persistently requested that anything that Lexi needed be requisitioned through her as a middleman to the procedure between her and the Nexus.

“It guarantees that we get what the Nexus can give us-  _ plus  _ what they can’t.” Vetra claimed the first time she requested that Lexi circumvent going through proper channels. But with her trust, Vetra kept her word. The med bay was never short stock, the machines were regularly up-kept, and almost all of her requests were fulfilled with little to no issue.

Beyond that she didn’t spend much of her time off the Tempest while they were at the Nexus. Though various crew members left to integrate experiences or discoveries among those housed in their new galactic center.

What she often spent in her down time doing was checking on any lingering squad-mates that remained on the ship. 

Lexi made a note to check on the well being of all members of the Tempest crew. Their answers and conversations often showed an aversion to medical questions or anything having an inkling of psychological analysis, but out of respect many still answered and strike up healthy conversation.

At times she felt as though it was what kept her grounded on many fronts. The small connections with people under her meant not only establishing a line of knowledge but a foundation of trust between herself and them. 

The only crew member that she spent the least amount of time talking to was Peebee. 

Even after the physical, it felt as though Pelessaria was avoiding her- which was wholly expected. However, she found that she may have been guilty of doing the same. 

Peebee was, _ in a way _ , interesting. 

It wasn't the product of study that she made note of her behavior well before they encountered one another in a private setting. In truth, simply hearing about the asari had initially deterred her. Peebee clearly has issues not only with commitment, but something beyond that.  _ She would be the troublemaker _ , Lexi recalled saying to herself, the kind of trouble that spread among others if they were susceptible to hair brained ideas and momentary periods of temporary excitement. But she hated the thought the moment it surfaced, knowing better than to lay judgement so quickly. 

When Peebee left after the completion of her physical, Lexi caught herself replaying the short test part by part more for novelty than analytical purpose. 

Lexi knew, the moment she began the test, that often times patients perceive things different from what they are. Some touches in normally intimate places overlaying with a typical procedure often bred confusion. There was a small feeling of guilt that the reverse may have transpired. 

As a doctor, she knew better than to indulge something so unethical knowing that it led down a path she didn't want to traverse in the near future.

What was unexpected was the unprompted sharing of minor personal details. 

Professionally, discussing a patient's personal life usually came as small talk during check-ups, shared to pass time or fill always silences that often enveloped the med bay. Lexi always showed genuine interest in knowing more, considering the personalities and mannerisms of her patients essential to treating them with the best care, but often kept herself at arms-length. 

In that moment, she shared details about herself to instill a sense of trust in Peebee, allowed her to feel as though she wasn’t giving away a piece of her past, but simply participating in a conversation that may never happen again. 

Or so she told herself.

A part of her wanted to decipher exactly why Peebee shared something with a degree of duality, a desire for absolute freedom among the consideration of a reasonable end game. Perhaps in all her adventuring, Peebee simply wanted to weigh all her options, see all she could, before making a decision that she would be content with.

It reminded her of past love interests. Where Lexi never restricted herself in terms of species, they all usually surrounded themselves in mystery; checkered pasts, dark stories, and a brooding sense of self that charmed her. Finding their affections to be tempered by commitment issues and their ability to be honest lacking, she often fell out of love as quickly as she fell into it. 

“Unlikely.” Lexi mused aloud to herself, the idea that Peebee would invest in something more finite right now was a joke in itself. 

She wanted to be beyond deciphering the mystery that Peebee so adamantly surrounded herself with. Lexi felt that she was reading into the asari with a complexity that wasn’t there. 

The exam itself, however, reminded her of what was lacking in her life that seemed to follow her even beyond the Milky way- a desire for intimacy.

It wasn’t something that she was desperate for, but something that often felt like it couldn’t always be simply ignored. It poked and prodded at her in times where she found herself in a deafening silence. Her temporary solutions where to find company among the crew, often standing in at the research room and talking about various topics or tuning into the local comm chat of the ship.

Peebee had reminded her of the intimacy she missed the most- touch. It didn’t have to be sexual in nature, but just the simple affections of a hand to hold or a body to curl up against during unspeakably frigid cold nights. Though her exam was clinical and deliberate in it’s examination, she had forgotten what it meant to be so close to someone. 

“You alright, Doctor?” Vetra leaned in the med bay doorway. The way she stood it seemed as if she had been there for a while, caught her in thought.

“Yes, I’m- “ Lexi paused to eye the data pad that was slack in her hand, “I’m just reading another report.” She set the data pad down, turned in her chair to face Vetra.

“Must be one hell of a report.” Vetra said, eyeing her. “Ryder is heading back to the Tempest- we have a good idea where we're going next.”

“ _ Good- _ its good to have some direction. ” A pause, “is there anything you need from me?”

“The med bay supplies are in, everyone has been checked out-  _ even Peebee _ and that’s nothing short of a miracle.” Vetra chuckled, “you’ve done more than I could ask for. Just try not to work too hard.” 

“I  _ should  _ be saying that to you.” Lexi said, amused at the sentiment, “But I understand and-  _ thank you _ .”

“If you need anything, ask.” Vetra gave a final nod of farewell before retreating towards the cargo bay. 

When she returned back to her work, she refocused on the data that waited for her. There were a few emails and reports to share among colleagues and another excursion to prepare for- enough to keep busy. So she did, letting the work and tasks take over her attention. 

** [ @ ]**  


Peebee laid in the privacy of the escape pod, during what was their makeshift version of a night cycle. Her eyes open to black and just barely making out the lines and divots of bolts of the ceiling. Though their missions between worlds proved to be recurring experiences of adventure and excitement, they never stopped being trails of stamina and endurance that ultimately exhausted her some days. Her sleep was better at the end of harder days.

However, when Ryder chose a more fitting pair of companions for particular situations instead of her, Peebee’s days were spent researching what tech Ryder presented to her. Even when that got to a point where she couldn’t move further, she would venture around the Tempest among crew. 

She could feel herself getting comfortable.

Embedded among Peebee’s mental-scape was the realization that she was getting far too involved. In truth, the choice to embark and play by the sudden _ “winging it” _ style guidelines weren’t as bad as she thought, but it didn’t quell a persistent urge to leave the Tempest and it’s crew behind. It was an oscillation of mood, a persistent sway of in and out that she fell constantly influenced by.

The one factor that remained prominent, among all the ones she considered, was one she thought may be the worst of them- Dr. Lexi T’Perro. 

They hadn’t really spoken since the exam. In her avoidance of the doctor Peebee noticed something particular in their relation. Where she often heard Lexi engage with the other members of the crew, their interactions were stunted. Given it was the goal of her actions to dissuade any interaction, Peebee hadn’t expected Lexi to permit it.

It raised suspicion the moment she noticed, but it only cultivated thoughts of the asari. 

She found that in idle times the memories of the touches shared, though they possessed no amatory properties, felt as though they left traces, phantasmal motions still ribbing susceptible nerves. Typically, the fault of new found affection grew in phases, careening and germinating in her head ages before ruminating on the idea of pursuit. It was too fast, guessing the deprivation of something so simplistic as a touch held a greater effect than she anticipated.The truth behind her aversion was an admittance of something close to smitten that preyed on concealed desperation. Even if it wasn’t that, the latent desperation, she knew it had to be something similar.

However, it wasn’t the only factor that seemed to persist.

Lexi had proven herself to be affluent in the skill of conversational maneuvering with Ryder; had she not been able to convince her sub rosa, the physical and her current journey on the Tempest may have never occurred. It was enough to cause a prevailing replay of every shared word between them between the moments that she caught herself somewhere between thoroughly impressed and slightly amused.

It, in a way that she was unsure of, didn’t take away from her ability to remain proper. Even as they delved into the topic of her home that could easily be marked as a place of stereotypically unrefined, it didn’t take away from her standing image. 

Omega’s oral reputation, Peebee presumed, didn’t measure to the truth of being there and being surrounded by con artists, criminals and the ambient red haze that always seemed to be present in pictures. It was hard to imagine someone like Lexi walking away from Omega and being the person she is since meeting her. It boggled her mind, crafted a sense of paradoxical mistrust. 

The apparent disbelief manifested into the presupposed idea that maybe it was a lie, a front crafted in the new galaxy but still came off entirely genuine. The layers of her true self buried under the polite visage she paraded with. But what true self she hid was never one that could, through her assumptions, be entirely believable.

Though she was still curious, hung up on the feelings remnant from their interaction, she didn’t trust or like it. 

For the part of her that continuously considered it, she saw Kalinda in their interaction. She swayed in a way that felt like a distasteful mimicry to an experience she may have had with Kalinda. Something sophisticated, yet covertly chaotically compelling that she immediately wanted to seek out and uncover. Kalinda had shown her in private encounters; she let what cosmopolitan facet of herself go and let loose and Peebee ate it up. 

The thoughts made her sit up from the cot, rubbing the back of her neck and cursing under her breath.

Lexi was one of very few to face her with patience, instead of a boldly present attitude with outright superiority. She started to believe that maybe there really was more of Omega in Lexi’s mannerism, if not shown by personality than simply verbally adroit without being a show off. It, for a second, made her smile at the idea that she mad been outsmarted. Lexi never approached her about the physical, never pressed, but still managed to garner the results she wanted. 

It was clever. 

It was getting to her. 

Enough that she even considering settling her woes on her own, but knowing that Lexi would be the center point dissuaded her from it. She didn’t like that it wasn’t the first time she considered the same solution since the growing consideration. 

Even once playing with the idea that Lexi may be a part of it if propositioned in the right way.

“Unlikely.” Peebee scoffed, pulling her knees up to her chest to rest folded arms atop. Lexi seemed to modest. The doctor never lent a hint to any sexual persuasion that could enrich an idea of what she would want or even if she could supply. 

It would be easier to convince herself to let it be what it was- a figure of fantasy. It was evident that she wasn’t seeking something romantic or permanent. Lexi was just someone that captured her mind's eye and remained to be the easiest placeholder for a seemingly repressed yet growing urge. 

It was impossible to ignore. So, she played with the ideas crafted--molded imaginative situations that played in a way that felt honest to Lexi’s character simply for her own gratification. I’m the end she settled on something akin to a replay of their encounter in the med bay with a far different outcome.

**[ @ ]**

Lexi rubbed at her eyes, her pushed off bouts of exhaustion springing to the surface once again. Where she would normally stifle the feeling with tea, this time Lexi advised herself against it. Sleep, after so many hours awake, was preferable than the artificial energy caffeine could supply.

Often times, a subject of interest would keep her up at odd hours. Many late nights were spent completely absorbed in the craft of a study written out comprehensively in excitement. Learning something new had always thrilled her, and sharing those discoveries and studies more so. As sleep encroached, however, she became distracted, her mind choosing to sift through frivolous and meaningless oddities that took almost no energy to consider.

Lexi recalled a particular moment, a particular touch.

Hand holding, she knew, was a romantic gesture, depending on who participated and why. The raise in tempo of Peebee’s heartbeat the moment their hands came to touch wasn’t something she could overlook medically, or personally. An immediate response from an outside source, recognizing—or at least guessing—that she was the source.

She entertained the idea that Peebee, in her resistance, was considering the same things she was. That maybe every touch could have been more than just a brief check in health. For a moment, Peebee’s sudden change in pulse was simply a small case of attraction. It made her feel better to think that she wasn’t the only one that let something as simple as a touch rouse hibernating feelings of yearning for something more.

Perhaps it was just an effect of time, the hidden temptations of a yearning heart for something soft and warm to latch on to after being neglected for so long. Lexi could easily dismiss it as something common, an emotion brought on naturally by the inherently social inclination of asari, not because of personal interest in Peebee, but the interest in something familiar.

Lexi audibly and dismissively laughed at the thought.

Lexi hadn’t expected them to become best friends overnight and her avoidance days after had left her feeling estranged from the thought. As an unfortunate result, she was concurrently neglecting a member of the crew she was supposed to be monitoring- something she adamantly chastised herself for.

Even after several days of avoiding conversation, Lexi encounter the asari in the Research room on her own. At her attempt to engage and rectify her behavior, Peebee was short with her, distant, and barely acknowledged her presence. So much so that she started to take offense, inwardly choosing to give up trying to be friendly or even cordial beyond what was required of her professionally.

Lexi buried her hands in her face, letting out a long sigh, and started to wonder how long the feeling would last until it faded into nothing more than a laughable memory. There was nothing worse, mentally or ethically, than growing close to a patient, left wondering if she was to suffer in the strange feeling of wanting and not wanting.

In the end Lexi hoped that after a few hours of rest, she would be rid of the feeling. She would plan her days, keep a closer watch on the crew, and spend more time consistently focused on something else beyond herself. 


	2. warped by curiosity

Lexi hadn’t expected to see Peebee within the med bay again.

Their conversations among crew members, shifting between debate to flat out argumentative, tended to be a turnoff to the idea that Peebee and herself would at a minimum act professional towards each other. Instead, she settled on the idea that Peebee, as she did with everyone else, would keep her distance emotionally and mentally from the rest of the crew. 

However, when it came to herself Lexi felt as if every snide remark or protesting jeer was personal.

Of course, Peebee made it clear that it was the prospect of Dr. T’Perro exacting her various degrees on the vast mental spaces of the crew that seemed to be the source of her apparent aversion. Even so, it didn’t quite explain the targeting she experienced or the degree of scrutiny she faced only from Peebee. However, the circumstances of Peebee’s return were a viable reason enough, but not the reason she expected, if there were expectations of a return at all.

The report read clearly, brevity notable in its formal yet simplistic explanation; _ she got electrocuted- kind of _.

The properties of a mysterious liquid within the remnant vaults proved to be more than just electromagnetically caustic, but enough to degrade shielding much faster than any other known outside effect. What begged for concern was the probability that it was already a property Peebee understood but still fell victim to. Dr. Lexi occupied herself with the factors that came with such an ordeal, ones that concerned Ryder enough to escort Peebee personally into her care and devoting confidence in her ability to curate her full recovery. 

Mentally, Lexi’s thoughts filtered by immediate importance. For asari, in regard to electrophysiology, the worst thing to happen would be severe or lasting damage to the nervous system. In the long run it could meddle with biotic efficiency and control or her ability to form successful connections in melding among other health problems neurologically.

Since finishing reviewing the report, Lexi stood confidently in Peebee’s presence, her words were spoken authoritatively in the hopes of deterring any lack of seriousness on the matter. To her surprise, Peebee reacted complacently; no snide remark or verbal lashing in reaction. If anything she behaved herself, following each prompt fully answering her questions to completion.

Peebee sat patiently on the end of med bay bed, jacket removed at Lexi’s request, leaning back against palms watching intently. The same fixated gaze felt like it bore into the back of her neck when she turned away to avoid it under the assumption that she was being studied. Even when their eyes met, Peebee didn’t shy away from the shared gaze, but didn’t react to it either. If she put any real lasting thought into it, she would have broached the subject, nearly demand an answer as to why she seemed so focused on her when she has proven in the past to avoid it. While silently contemplating Peebee’s behavior, Lexi gathered several quarter sized white discs in her palm.

“Normally,” Lexi began, steps measured upon approach, “there would be more of these to do a more thorough scan. Unfortunately, the Tempest isn’t equipped with the latest in EEG technology.” Lexi held receptor held between fingers for display, “they are EEG adapters, adhesive receptors that attach to several points along your crest, spine and several other places. They will be able to record the electromagnetic responses between your brain and the rest of your body.”

Peebee shrugged, sitting forward, “You stick them on, make sure everything is working. Sounds easy enough.”

“Precisely," Lexi gestured at her arms, beckoning them outward. "If I may-” 

She placed two on each arm, one just below the inner elbow and another just under shoulders. Another set of two placed along the lower parts of each calf. Circling bed adjacent to Peebee, Lexi placed more at the very base of her spine under collar and another at the nape of her neck. 

The last six were carefully placed on Peebee’s crest after returning to her initial spot, silently commanding Peebee’s turn of head by a gentle push of chin. 

“You've been exceedingly compliant. Should I be worried?” Lexi said after placing the third on her crest and preparing the fourth.

“I don’t see why I shouldn’t be.” Peebee replied. “It's not everyday you get electrocuted by mysterious remnant gel… liquid, whatever—even I don’t know what it is or what it does. Not completely anyway.”

“Even so,” Lexi said, a brief pause to guide her head to turn in the opposite direction, “I can’t imagine that you assumed it would be safe, you’ve been more knowledgeable in the past.”

“That almost sounded like a compliment- and it was an accident. Observer turned the corner, assembler caught me off guard, lost balance. I’m adventurous, not suicidal.” Peebee scoffed through half smile. Out of the corner of her eye, Lexi watched the smile turn to self-reflection. “Lesson learned.”

“I would hope so.” Lexi placed the final adhesive disc to her crest and stepped back to examine each placement. “I believe that just about does it. How do you feel?”

“Like I’ve got EEG stickers all over my body.” Peebee said flatly.

“Of course.” Lexi smiled, faint but brief. “Let’s start with a few preliminary questions.” With a short nod from Peebee, she continued on. “Do you recall the sensations you felt when you first came in contact?”

“It tingled—well after it ate through my shields—numbing in a way, like everything was... buzzing. After I launched my ass out of it via jet pack, it took awhile for the tingling to go away, walked it off essentially.”

“Did this tingling sensation last anywhere in particular before wearing off?”

“Not really, no.” Peebee started to mindlessly touch at one of the discs attached to her forearm, “If it did, I didn’t have time to think about it. We had a death cloud to avoid a little bit after.”

“Don’t pick at it.” Lexi rebuked, lightly swatting her hand away from the receptor, “And what death cloud ?”

“We call it the ‘purification process’ .” Peebee said, starting to over-dramatically nurse the swatted hand, “Every time Ryder activates a vault, it initiates this energy cloud that kills all organic life it touches, completely disintegrates it. The last time—“

“I’m sorry, did you say kills _ all _organic life?”

“Yeah, yeah, not important, what’s important is that—“

“And it does this every time? You’ve experienced this… phenomenon _ twice _now?”

“_ Yes _, as I was saying—the first time we were in a vault on Eos, we split up—I went solo, Ryder stuck with Cora and Vetra. When they activated the process, we had to hightail it out of there.”

There were many things she was perfectly fine being out of the loop for—that wasn’t one of them. “How am I only hearing about this… purification process now?”

“Ryder didn’t tell you?” Peebee asked innocently, lilt of pitch rising.

“Clearly not.” She said, marking it as a conversation she would have with Ryder when the opportunity arose. “I’ll have to have a word with Ryder about it later. For right now, I’m going to ask you to perform a very tasks. If anything feels strange or out of the ordinary, tell me immediately.”

Lexi activated her omni-tool, the small screen initiating basic readings from the discs. So far everything seemed normal beyond small brief jumps in activity, but nothing out of sorts.

“Could you create a light biotic field? A very thin barrier.”

“Nothing flashy, huh?” Peebee joked, but nevertheless created the requested field, enveloping her sitting form. By readings, it was normal, electrical responses between nerve and nodes registering properly. “Am I allowed to ask questions during this stress test?”

Lexi’s brow rose at the question. She was inclined to reject it and request the Peebee’s full attention be placed on the task at hand. However, with the request fulfilled with ease and the results turning out seemingly normal, she saw no real reason to oppose. Though she did note a part of her own curiosity aiding in her choice. “It would be preferred if you remained focused on the task, but I suppose it depends on the question.”

“Your biotics, do you use them?”

She paused, then said, “not often. What skills I do have is an investment in self-defense.” 

Prior to learning, she showed no real interest in it. Advancing her biotic skill to an adequate level was a part of the compromise her parents agreed on back then in terms of being able to protect herself. If Lexi wanted to indulge in a more in depth answer, she might have professed to how adept she was in learning to hone her skills. It had started as self-defense lessons that warped by curiosity into a focus on its acute and direct effects to the body.

Where her mother stuck to teaching the basics, Lexi showed interest in the ability to apply biotics in a physically disabling way. One small touch could numb nerves, sever them even if she focused hard enough. Precision and efficiency were the appealing factors that motivated her; lethal without the mess, she called it.

“I guessed as much. No offense, but you don’t really come off as biotically inclined.”

“I never said I wasn’t biotically inclined.” She clarified, “Could you increase the intensity of your barrier? Until I ask you to stop.”

The barrier visibly thickened in reaction, the field around her gradually expanded in size and energy, the readings matching the steady increase in intensity.

“I don’t mean that offensively.” Peebee continued, “I meant that- I guessed that you'd be the type to go with the ‘_ I-don’t-like-fighting-because-I’m-a-doctor _’ way. The whole being a pacifist because you think it would completely negate your job. No offence but its cliche.”

Several small items in the med bay began to levitate in reaction to Peebee’s stress test. When Lexi tried an earnest “_ Peebee _” in the hopes of getting her to notice, the maiden remained distracted by the point she had already gotten across but strive to clarify fully.

“I’m just saying, it’s fine if you’re all about keeping the peace, most asari are, but it doesn’t change the fact that they still train like there will be a fight or something. Why train all those commandos and preach being peaceful at the same time? Wouldn’t it be easier to own up to it?”

“Peebee, stop.” Lexi commanded, more earnest in tone when her first attempt was overlooked and more items began to clink along the ceiling.

“ What? _ Oh _.” Peebee stopped the field immediately, her grin lopsided when various items clanked against the floor. “I wouldn’t worry too much about it, the place needed some redecorating.”

Peebee was being so… pleasant ; pleasant in the way that It wasn’t particularly charming, the way she was, but perhaps edging on some parts endearing . She found herself chiding the thoughts as they appeared but hoped that the pleasant parts would continue; not only for the sake of their professional relationship, but that she genuinely liked Peebee better this way. 

The way she could entertain within a conversation effortlessly, coerce a smile from her, even made her feel abnormally comfortable within the moment.

“So, what’s next?” Peebee asked, intrigue in her gaze, curiosity in the way her head slightly canted.

“What’s next?” Lexi parroted, aiming to refocus on the task at hand, “The next part is simple, something that will take no more than a few seconds. There's a way to check your entire nervous system in one go. However, I won't ask you to go through with it if it makes you feel uncomfortable.”

“They don’t call me adventurous for nothing. _ Try me _.”

“Well, as we both know, the meld is a process that can be considered an electromagnetic method that often exhausts the user from prolonged use because of the amount of work the mind and nervous system put in towards completing and sustaining a bonded neurological system between participants. That's because of the energy it takes to essentially charge your nervous system with a multitude of synapses that carry a higher magnitude of energy, and--”

“Textbook, got that part.” Peebee interrupted, apprehensive, “What are you asking me to do?”

“When the body performs the meld, unless there is an immediate point of contact, every nerve is essentially charged, reaching out to connect and as a result creates the sort of field that biotics do, but it is not as tangible or as easily controlled. I can use those readings to find any point of inconsistency in your nervous system and treat any outcomes in your results.”

Peebee paused, considering her explanation. “So you want me to perform a meld?”

“Yes, precisely.” Lexi confirmed. “It won’t be for long, something preferably quick to make sure there isn’t any latent damage caused by it.”

“With or without a partner? Because there's only two people in this room and ...” 

“Without a partner.” Lexi clarified quickly. Where she believed they were both old enough to handle themselves within a meld, she couldn’t imagine breaching anyone she considered a patient in that way.

Peebee’s shoulder’s slacked, “Refresh my memory- isn't there some kind of danger to that? Does it even work without a connection?”

“In some cases, yes. Holding a meld without a connection for an extremely prolonged period of time can cause severe damage to the nervous system, at worse, it could cause permanent damage. For that, you’d have to do it for hours. A meld in definition is simply an attuning the nervous system to the world around you. Without a connection your nerves are simply just more reactive. You'll feel minor things a lot more intensely than you're used to, noises, touch, smells, your senses are much more receptive. You won’t stay in that state of mind for more than five minutes, you should be fine.”

“Well if that’s it, I’m sure I can manage.” Peebee shrugged.

“Even so, I will walk you through it every step of the way.” Lexi said, “If you change your mind, or feel the need to stop, please say so.”

“Right.” Peebee nodded, wrapped her fingers around the edges of the med bay bed.

“Close your eyes and take a moment to breathe—” Lexi kept a close eye on the maiden, her breathing seeming to slow, eyes closing. “Focus only on the sound of my voice. Let your body and mind relax, let your thoughts drift.” Another long breath from her, and Lexi continued, speaking softly. “Let peace embrace you. Surrender yourself to your thoughts, let them wash over you like gentle waves.” Another breath. “Let them envelop you, comfort you.”

A moment passed before Peebee’s eyes blinked black, staring aimlessly ahead at no real target.

** [ @ ]**

Peebee could feel the edges of her mind reaching out for a connection to no avail and an irritable buzzing in the back of her head steadily growing. She realized that Lexi wasn't wrong about her senses, everything was so loud, bright, vivid.

The air smelled like omni gel and disinfectant, overwhelming enough to make her nose cringe at the acetone tainted air. The chill of the med bay air prickled skin as if ice crystallized among every nerve, causing her to shiver, while air hurriedly and clearly hissed out of ventilation system in what sounded like a steady downpour.

The lights seemed a little too bright, the colors of the med bay a little more vibrant, and slightly blurred periodically when her mind teetered between focusing on the physical world around her and mental one that emerged to the forefront. It was hard to focus on one thing, the noises sound overpowering. She aimed to focus on just one sound or feeling to latch onto.

_ Take a moment to breathe. _

The voice sounded like Lexi’s but came from her own head as a vestige of her lulling speech, the words rippling along the landscape of her fabricated mental tranquility. Peebee followed suit as if the words were a command, her inhale slow and exhale faintly shuddering.

_ Just Breathe. _

The words alone brought back images of her half covered under the simple bedding, the false images of Lexi that she privately retreated to playing before her. The urge to stop them flared the same feelings of panic. Peebee feared the amalgam of shadowy apparitions that came and went of them and what they meant. 

_ I’m making a mistake. _

Her breath echoed in her own head like a cascading gasp. Lexi’s imaginary touch itched at her skin, the ghosting fingers of memory drawing her deeper. 

How gentle Lexi was when she touched her made her heart heavy, unable to look away when her returned gaze glimmered, curious and eager, and never seemed to cause her any rush. Every touch was savored with every thudding beat of heart as if each slowed pulse restricted time to the bounds of her rhythm. It made her nerves flare

_ It’s okay Peebee. _

The voice almost different from her own but still her own- maybe Lexi’s, she couldn't tell. The buzzing that itched at the back of her skull grew in intensity, enough to elicit fear. She wanted to reach out, feel something different beyond her own hand. 

“Peebee, can you hear me?” 

the realization that it came from outside of her mind, loud and vivid, shattered the memory. Replaced with the reality before her, blurred enough that she forced her eyes closed that she couldn’t remember opening. Even at what felt like excessively loud volumes, Lexi voice was still inherently gentle, each syllable caressing the edges of her mind, tempering the fraying chaotic edges of lasting without a suitable connection to latch onto.

“I can-” Peebee said, her words faltering under a long steadying breath. “I can hear you.”

“You can stop now.”

Peebee blinked away the black in her eyes, the memory less vividly present at the forefront and replaced with her conscious mind, her breath shuddering at the transition back to reality.

**[ @ ]**

“Are you alright?” Lexi spoke softly, as if her words would offer some kind of aid to Peebee’s clear disheveled state. 

She, in truth, expected there to be some form of discomfort, if not the pain of holding that state, then by whatever mentally manifested in its duration. A part of her wanted to offer some kind of physical presence beyond her words, something to help ground her like a reassuring touch of the arm, but she resisted.

“Just fine.” Peebee sighed, gaze distant. 

Lexi stood in a temporary moment of absorption, that Peebee may have been fully unaware of her until she finally answered. It made her squirm, feel as though she was an intruder on a private moment. Initially, she thought the isolated meld was taking a physical toll on her, but the distinct shudder struck a familiar nerve. 

She recognized it.

The same shudder that anybody went through that wasn’t an effect of cold or pain, but something more instinctively elementary. So plainly so that she refused to give it the proper word it deserved in her mind in the fear that is would goad a reciprocating feeling in reaction.

It didn’t make her cheeks feel any less warm, nor did it take away from the idea that she would readily admit to herself that Peebee was the cause. Lexi chastised herself for it, knowing that the line she was crossing was beyond the line of a professional breach in ethics. There was a reason why she didn’t take on patients as lovers or bedmates. Peebee is a patient, Lexi sternly reminded herself.

“So,” Peebee’s voice drawing her away from the mental rebuking, “Got any more tasks for me?” Peebee asked, her voice exhausted under steadily regained self-assurance.

“No, no. You’re fine.” Lexi said abruptly, only to pause and correct herself. “I mean—your results are all normal. You should be fit for the field.” Every word felt forced, each one a poor attempt at burying any alluding thoughts that may have been given away in facial expression. 

She powered down her omni-tool after tapping the interface, and said, “You’re free to go.”

Peebee nodded, went to reach for her jacket and bracer behind her before pausing. “You do want your stickers, back don’t you? Or are these souvenirs?”

“Not souvenirs,” Lexi quickly responded, the overlook another factor occurrence blamed on the suddenly hurried attitude. Peebee stood up, held out her arms for the four receptors there to allow Lexi to take a moment to peel each off carefully. 

When the last from arms removed, Lexi said, “Turn around, please” to retrieve the last two from her back and commanded a simple, “and back” to have her swivel back to face. Lexi continued on the receptors on Peebee’s crest, acutely aware of how close they were to one another and how strongly the silence enveloped them.

It was different this time, different from the silences that shared in the research room when they occupied the same space. In that time, Peebee would make it clear to disregard her presence until a topic of conversation arose. 

Now, there was an understanding of the event, that she witnessed something that she could not define but still had wordless meaning for both of them. Even Peebee’s reactions to it seemed moderated in an effort to let whatever transpired pass without confrontation. 

She was inclined to follow suit, even given its refusal to subside in thought.

The fact that Lexi was mere inches from her face, wholly concentrated on the receptors on her crest, was trying. She instinctively tilted and turned her head to each spot Lexi reached for while her attention remained focused on the doctor.

Trying for inconspicuous, Peebee attempted to make sure every gaze was simply a result of her movements, instead of chances to study her. Lexi’s breath was even, expression hard to read as she worked. How she bit at the bottom of her lip, a habitual motion she guessed, reaching for the last receptor, the way teeth dimpled against bottom lip gained her stare tempted her, enough that she meant to mentally commit the motion into memory.

“That was the last one I believe.” Lexi said, half smiling, turning over the discs in her hand to neatly stack them, almost fidgeting with them. “If you ever feel as if something is out of place or feels strange, come see me again.”

Peebee nodded, finding herself focused more on Lexi’s smile, the way it barely pressed into cheeks or disturbed the singular white line that dissected chin. It caused a smile of her own, her heart felt like it beat a little harder when they stood in silence, wondering if the thud in her ears was loud enough to be heard.

She leaned forward, expecting Lexi to lean away, to abruptly push her away and deny her advance. However, when their lips met Lexi didn’t pull back from her but didn’t move towards her either. 

Peebee found herself looking for purchase in the other and only finding a gentle warmth and pliable lips. She could have gotten lost in the feeling, stood there with her eyes closed and her senses trying to take in as much as possible. She felt Lexi's hands grab at her arms, fingers drifting down forearms stopping to grip.

**[ @ ]**

When their lips met, she didn't move to reject it or turn away from it. Some part of her that latched onto the idea that somehow Peebee would be the one to satisfy an urge to rekindle a doused fire and deemed it the only reason why she had allowed it.

Lexi wanted to let it happen, that her own curiosity overrode the truth that she should have rejected the kiss. The way Lexi pressed lips against Peebee’s felt wanting, eager, yet still controlled and tempered. Lexi wanted nothing more than to linger in the corresponding feeling, a swell of happiness from being wanted by another. 

She squeezed her fingers around Peebee, pulling them apart. Though she broke the kiss she didn't completely move away, leaning in close as if she was going to start again and stopping herself.

“Wait.” The words near breathless along Peebee’s neck, finding comfort in the warmth of her skin. “We can’t.” Though she said the words she didn’t want to believe in them. Not here, an addendum, wanting to say it to mend her statement. However, she could already hear the rumors of her behavior haunting, her reputation marred by unethical behavior of fraternization. It made her regret wanting being so close, or even enjoying it.

“Why not?" Peebee's voice low, her hands coming to rest loosely on her hips. “The med bay isn’t exactly romantic or private.” Peebee admitted not showing any inclination to move at the realization. “The escape pod might be a little better-”

Lexi pulled away at her words, only to glare at her, “You must be insane if you think I will do anything of the sort in that escape pod.

“It was worth a shot.” Peebee said, smile crooked, “Can’t just lock the med bay doors, can you?”

“Does that not seem more suspicious?” She said, realizing she was actually entertaining the idea.

“Just peg it as a very private medical condition, locking the doors was necessary for my adamantly requested privacy.” She smiled wider at her own plan, “They’d buy it.”

“And somehow I remain doubtful.” Lexi moved out of Peebee’s grip, not wanting to be caught in a compromising position. “You know this is something I cannot allow Peebee.”

“Are you afraid of what the crew will say because, honestly, I don't think they’d care that much.”

Lexi hesitated, choosing her words carefully. “You’re a patient and it would be wholly unethical for us to be… involved.”

“You consider us involved? After one kiss? That good huh?”

Lexi faced her with feigned annoyance. “ Now isn't the time for jokes.”

“I think it's the perfect time for it.” Peebee countered, closing the space Lexi created between them, “It was one harmless kiss, didn't mean anything more than that. If you try to give it value, then it ruins the actual purpose.”

“And what purpose is that?” She asked, arms crossing.

“Curiosity in its purest form, and satisfying it.”

“You say that and yet you've spent the better part of your time avoiding me if not being combative at every turn.”

Peebee rubbed at the back of her neck, “Nothing gets by you, does it?” When Lexi answered with another glare, she said, “That was complicated, but this is simple. I know that me avoiding you hasn't helped my case here, but if I'm remembering what just happened—feel free to correct me if I'm wrong here—but you kissed me back. That's gotta mean something.”

“That isn't the point.” Lexi retorted, “You may be able to parade across Andromeda and do what you please, but not all of us can. I have a responsibility to the Tempest crew and finding myself involved --.” She paused, a breath to quell growing frustration at the implications of that word, involved . “The Galaxy doesn't work that way, I don't work that way.”

“But you could, if you wanted to.”

What part of her believed in Peebee’s words were silenced, not wanting to put false hopes into her, no matter how much she wanted to know, to try . It’s been ages since she could remember how it felt to be consumed with the idle daydreams of a wanting heart, to feel appreciated by another in more than just a friendly thank you. Lexi, however, didn't fully believe Peebee could manage that. She uncrossed her arms to place a hand against Peebee’s cheek, looking for something in her eyes beyond the growing disappointment.

“I would like to believe that it is that simple.” Lexi began again, increasing the space between them, “but I don't believe I can be what you want me to be. I cannot do this.” 

The look Peebee shared felt combative, like she had more to say, but turned to frustration.

“Right, right. I get it.” Peebee said turning to collect her jacket, redress herself, bracer locked in place.

She wondered what kind of goodbye fit a moment like this where rejection became a prominent word in her mind, mistake being the next. Analytically, this would be damaging for Peebee. Commitment issues meant that delving or devoting time or energy to a person, even in though could lead to disappointment. Lexi watched silently trying to silently ask forgiveness for her choice.

Peebee quickly side stepped her, and walked out of the med bay without a word, leaving Lexi alone. The silence that followed the closing med bay doors was completely deafening. 

Lexi merely stood there, watching the door.


	3. less than professional, dangerous even

The loft was holistically familiar. Awning windows along the far wall exposing the distant and glimmering Serrice skyline under glinting distant stars. The furniture match in elegance and the organization could be attested to the finest interior designer that money and power could buy. Several art pieces covered pristine white walls. The center room had enough space to sport several confined sitting areas and statuettes of odd and angular artistic pieces. 

It wasn’t a place she could afford on the odd jobs that she partook in but was frequently invited to either to attend an elite social gathering or chaotic party hosted by Kalinda. 

Peebee loved it, it was by far one of her favorites out of the estates that Kalinda came to own through influence or inheritance. She loved it more when there were people, like tonight. Peebee never really made it a point to dress formally unless it was requested of her. The black dress plain yet fitting, with little adornments of jewelry around her neck and wrists.

The room was packed with bodies, dressed in several shades of grey and black attire. Peebee noticed a bitter tinge of smoke enveloping the air in a hot settling cloud that almost felt suffocating in the room but chose to ignore it. It was exactly how she remembered, the sinister yet calm aura permeated the air, as if the walls and shadows held a secret that only Instinct could hold, trapping the whispers of the galaxy under the dissonant whispers of estranged conversations.

She often stayed on Kalinda’s arm during her more elegant parties choosing to sit on a love seat next to her among other patrons. They draped themselves over each other, talked about drinks she’s never heard of or would ever taste, and their latest conquests even if their dates were sitting right next to them. 

Kalinda had been no different, joined in like it was second nature. The only difference was that when the spot light was on Peebee, she shined, didn’t shy away from the attention, and charmed every asari that dared verbally tango with her. They tried to fluster her, throw sultry and sorted words in the hopes of teetering her off her game, but she was far to determine to let anyone get the better of her in any situation.

“She’s a keeper,” a matriarch said, arm draped over her disgruntled date. “And if you don’t keep her, I’ll take her off your hands.” Everyone grouped at the small collection of couches had traded laughs from it. Even Kalinda chuckled at her, but wrapped her arm tighter around her waist.

“She’d chew you up and spit you out, babe.” Kalinda started up in reply, as if it was an afterthought, “I know she still gives me a run for my money.” In the moment, Peebee beamed at the remark. Nothing made her happier than Kalinda showing her off as if she were the crown jewel of Thessia and all hers.

It felt strange.

She realized, this isn’t where she wanted to be, and Kalinda wasn’t who she wanted to be sitting next to. The party sparked old familiar memories of times that she enjoyed with Kalinda, but that was no longer the case.

Everything around her felt bleary, the standing bodies around her shifted back and forth in mesmerizing and yet sickening motions under harsh white fluorescence. The crowd was faceless, their shifting motions keeping up with the suddenly oblique wave they became an infinite part of, blurring in her vision as if they were and weren’t moving. 

Peebee winced when Kalinda’s voice rang like an echo in her ear louder than she expected, “Don’t just sit there, babe.” Her immediate reaction was to turn and look for her in the love seat next to her, but found her companion gone.

“Kalinda?” 

“Come on babe, dance” A disembodied suggestion that sounded more like a command in Kalinda’s voice, like she couldn't say no and wasn’t sure if she wanted to. Peebee wanted to hide among the specters of people but every step she took was met with a conjoined and reactive shift, leaving her alone a small area surrounded by them, trapped by the darkness of their bodies and controlled by the sway of them.

Kalinda emerged from the crowd, bodies parting like smoke. She was dressed in red, the ensemble with long white sleeves and high collar neckline, the skin of her abdomen and clavicle exposed in deliberate cuts of fashion. Peebee didn’t reply or react, but rather wanted to find footing, focus on her surroundings. 

“Not in the mood?” Kalinda asked, the slight echo in voice still unmistakable, even with the muddle conversations that began to sound more like white noise getting louder. Kalinda approached her, extending a hand out to her in greeting.

“Don't even try it.” Peebee snapped at the offered hand, pushing it away felt sluggish, “I haven't forgotten what you did to me. I never will.”

Kalinda’s hands retreated to fold behind her back, drifting back towards the crowd, her smile coquettish. “I know it was wrong, what I did, Pelessaria.” She hated the way Kalinda said her name. The creeping chill along her spine of familiarity, like fingers smoothly drawing over bones filled her chest with fear. “Let me make it up to you.” Kalinda offered stepping to the side allowing the wave of bodies to part. 

Lexi’s emergence from the crowd gave her pause.

She was dressed in a yellow sundress that stood out among the greys and blacks of the crowd. It seemed fitting yet still out of place to see her in anything less than her typical attire. Lexi seemed unperturbed by the setting or Kalinda, she almost looked peaceful. The doctor approached with an unwavering gaze, smiling faintly as she entered the communal area with Peebee at it’s very center.

“I know what you're thinking Pelessaria.” Kalinda continued as if the voice came from within her own head rather than from Kalinda herself. They stood toe to toe, short inches away from one another in a locked stare that she couldn’t look away from. 

“Maybe I  _ did  _ do something wrong.” Lexi’s hands took hers, taking them into her palms, thumbs rubbing at the backs of her hands. Her touch as gentle as the gaze she looked at Peebee with and for a moment she felt undeserving of it.

“Maybe I... did do something wrong.” Peebee parroted Kalinda’s voice, watching Lexi turn to concern. She remembered the way she faced Lexi with resistance, put up roadblocks against her attempts to do nothing more than her job. At the end of it all, she was only attempting to help. Maybe she should have been nicer, treated her like she wasn’t the next asari to try and find some way into her head.

A dark shadowed hand emerged without origin behind Lexi and held her shoulder.

“We all make mistakes, don’t we babe?  _ You  _ made a mistake.”

“I made a mistake.” Peebee found herself saying, Lexi’s brow furrowing in response. The doctor’s hands drew away, slipped from her grip with ease. 

“Why do you say that?” Lexi asked where she met Peebee with a touch that skated softly against her skin until Lexi’s palms cupped cheeks. Another shadowed set of hands placed themselves of Lexi’s shoulders, gathering and stacking into dark clumps of fingers.

“There’s something I have to say.” Peebee said, her breath almost hitching in her throat when Lexi smiled at her. She wanted to feel something beyond the abysmal feeling she was sinking into as if every word led farther down to a wretched depth she wouldn't be able to escape. 

“You can tell me anything Peebee.”

There was something she needed to say, a feeling she wanted to explain but couldn’t quite find the words. It wasn't love, but a confession, a curiosity in her that hungered like the swaying bodies that began to thrash in their dark forms. Infatuation she clarified that every measured touch left a mark she couldn't shake even for its insignificance and she wanted more. Peebee saw something different in Lexi and believed that if they did ever make it that far she would be different, she would be worth more than what she knew she could give.

Another set of dark hands placed themselves on Lexi.

“I… can’t.” More hands appeared, claiming her as their own engulfing the entirety of her up to her neck. Peebee reached to grab Lexi’s hand, and for a moment she gained hold, the dark hands still urging her back into the crowd that started to look like an endless abyss hoping to swallow her into their perilous void.

“It’s okay Peebee.” Lexi said with a gentle squeeze to her hand, her voice serene among the chaotic wave of feelings and bodies, a wave of relief that temporarily ally the infinite despair around her. She seemed so at peace, no fear in her expression at the world around her or the dark hand that were slowly claiming her.

She felt tears uncontrollably well in her eyes. They were out of sheer panic, the fear that welled in her chest that overwhelmed her senses. Every word she wanted to say felt as though it caught in her throat and choked her.

“Just breathe.” Lexi whispered as she let go of Peebee’s hand, swallowed by dark and disappearing into the boundless chasm.

In a quick blink, Kalinda appeared where Lexi once stood, her hand wrapping a vice grip around her throat, lifting her from the ground. Her arms felt far too heavy to raise, her body feeling limp as if she were already dead weight. Tears burned her eyes like her lungs burned for air as Kalinda seemed wholly unaffected by the panic that buzzed at every nerve.

Peebee watched as Kalinda’s grin grew unnervingly, stretching beyond comfort as the edged of her eyes started to darken.

“You will always be mine Pelessaria.”

**[ @ ]**

Peebee jolted up in the makeshift cot gasping for air and absently touching at throat in fear that Kalinda’s fingers might still be wrapped around them. She wiped away the light sheen of sweat from her

When she finally found seemingly steady mental ground, Peebee sat forward, hunched over and hands loosely cradled in her lap. Her mind and emotions felt scattered, pressed at the edges of her capacity, unable to decipher the dream, what it meant, and why it should mean anything at all.

She cursed, falling back against her pillow.

Peebee initially decided that trying to sleep again was the best course of action; the sooner she slept, the quicker she would forget. The moment she turned over, the images of Lexi being engulfed by the dark of the ghoulish figures that consumed her in flashes under closed lids, haunting her until she opened her eyes again.

Every touch itched at her skin like a runoff apparition. 

Peebee knew that her dream was nothing more than a league of assumptions built to fill in what Lexi chose not to. It didn’t change how much she wanted to feel it again. 

Lexi was gentle in comparison to anyone else she’s encountered. 

In the past, she learned quickly that the appeal she held over her counterparts was a desire to control. Lovers that made it a goal to handle her, and find some way to exercise dominance over her with rough touches and harsh kisses. Peebee hadn’t opposed to them in the past, but often caught herself wondering what the rival to that felt like; to find someone who was equally as gentle as her past lovers were rough. 

It was never that it didn’t make her feel cared for, but the desperation to claim her entirety in the heat of the moment after made her feel used, like a territory to mark as theirs. 

Peebee thrashed for what felt like hours, wondering if the ghosts of her subconscious would let her have peace. The only solution she found as an eventuality was exhaustion. Mentally, the back and forth, the never ending question, and the lack of answers sent her mind into an overdrive that she didn’t have the energy to support. Physically, the sleeping situation spelled strain in her back, but she was overwhelmed by the concourse of emotions that had flooded her post dream.

After a while, she let herself fall asleep, letting whatever lingered to be settled at a time and place that she felt like she could deal with it.

**[ @ ]**   
  


_ Weeks _ , Peebee noted. 

Weeks have passed since Kalinda made an appearance in her apartment, and weeks since she started loathing Lexi’s presence and feeling guilty that she did. Each day, as quickly as they seemed to pass even with the concept of a galactic standard time frame lacking, played as a test in restraint. That is, if she wanted to lay down every thought as if it needed to be permeated and acknowledged then she would be the one to face the consequences of it. 

In the confines of her mind, Peebee didn’t commit to her guilt towards Lexi. Every thought aided the next, a sort of ovation to fuel the next heinous though until she felt absolved. Only when those thoughts were aired in the form of teasing—mindfully mitigated to fit the aura of conversation but mildly ill-tempered nonetheless—did she realize the sheer magnitude of frivolity her sense of mental righteousness and guilt rivaled one another.

It came in moments of casual conversation, finding their recurring joint occupation of the research room on accident and on purpose. 

Peebee, on the one hand, couldn’t stand to be in the presence of Lexi and her ilk, and on the other she wanted to be in her presence for nothing more than knowing; the ever-persistent wonder of what effect her words had on Lexi constantly to rummage around in her mind like rocks in the heel of her boot. Lexi, as expected, remained stoic, finding her engrossed expressions devoted to a datapad with data she could only assume detailed the intricate anatomical aspects of kett or angara; something else for her to dissect when the responsiveness of people became a burden.

There wasn’t a moment where Peebee noticed Lexi show any falter in her moods or temperaments.

It begged the question of how genuine their encounters had been, though short, they lived on in her mind as if they were distant and unforgettable moments in time. If Lexi could stand so unfazed by her words she spat in such disdain, did they have any effect at all? And if they did, was the emotion she showed weeks ago nothing more than a response that she thought would be expected? 

Though it felt like it trickled far too close to the line of paranoia, Peebee began to wonder if, from beginning to end, Lexi had done nothing more than test her beyond the bounds of what was required. An experiment, one made to test the limits of her pronounced commitment issues she displayed without shame, or one design to breach the more secure walls of her mental space by seeking a romantic connection.

Lexi was a lot of things but diabolical wasn’t one she would have listed off immediately. She proved to be clever when the moment required, but to devise a plan simply to infiltrate further into her psyche, highly unlikely. However, it didn’t bother her any less.

Even when Peebee chose to hover in Lexi’s general space, make her dislike clear in snide remarks and rebuttals, and even went so far as to have a conversation pertaining to her but exclusively excluding Lexi until another member introduced her to the conversation. That time it had been about Jaal’s scans, having dual intentions. Her interest in Jaal hadn’t crossed romantic, and she had doubts it would for nothing less for the difference in ideals about family. 

Asking Vetra to ask Lexi for her, unsuccessfully, had played in a scheme to reach for jealousy; that if their encounters were genuine then there would be some form of jealousy apparent in her request.

The answer she gave was less than exceptional, professional even, void of anything beyond straightforward with maybe a hint of annoyance but nothing more. Even the way her eyes glared seemed particularly lifeless, void of emotion or concern for what was said let alone the conversation that floated around her prior to answering.

The look stayed with her even after their return trip to Aya, the city’s increased availability an optimal choice for new exploration, yet she chose to inhabit the first makeshift bar. It wasn’t anything fancy, and her request for the strongest thing they had presented as a show of her daring and adventurous attitude. It wasn’t until she felt the teetering effects of delayed absorption impair her balance and muddled her thoughts into aimless burs of rapidly shooting revelations, realizations, and regrets. The stupor brought her inner turmoil to the surface to be mumbled to herself in the lonesome corner among rem-tech displays. 

She couldn’t imagine blubbering her events with Lexi to Ryder when they stopped by; the idea of anyone realizing that she had more to deal with that she probably could was out of the question. It was bad enough that Ryder knew about Kalinda, Lexi could never be a long standing factor. As a result, she fed Ryder a lie by omission, placing her displeasure on the angaran progress on rem-tech in comparison to her own rather than the thing details that tugged at her, which was still the truth but a minor one.

The curse to her stupor was the recollection of the way Lexi looked at her on the Tempest, sure of her absolute disdain buried under her stony expression and professional answers. Whatever lingering hope that she may one day mend what wounds she may have caused—for what honestly felt like the hundredth time—were buried in the quickly rising thought that Lexi and Kalinda were exactly alike.

Kalinda, in her age, superimposed the fallacy of wisdom at the will of age and entitlement bred from the silver spoon she grew up suckling—as if her being smart in anyway helped damper the pompous attitude she meandered around with. Kalinda could make her feel small, unimportant, dependent, simply on a whim if she chose to.

Lexi, on the other hand, looked at her as if she were a test dummy, some maiden that needed to be solved, examined. Everything in her mannerisms spoke to a supposition of superiority sitting atop a sense of responsibility—as if her job was to mother them all to death. Her questions and conversations were a guise to decipher, to lure into a sense of comfort until she could dissect the finer details of personalities and subscribe them to some psychological buzzword for treatment. Lexi could shrink someone’s personality down to diagnoses without a bat of the eye. It was belittling in her own way, cunning in another in the way she went about it. 

Her retaliations at Lexi, though, were empty victories.

At the end of the day, Peebee knew full and well that Lexi had never done her any wrong, and perhaps never intended to. Her dislike was clearly a piss poor way of dealing with an issue she had no intention of dealing with. It felt good to exact her frustrations on the easiest target, even if that target was undeserving of it.

_ She’s a robot anyway _ , Peebee chuckled to herself at the thought, feeling herself tipping and caught herself before it became a full motion only to feel herself sway in the opposite. Another chuckle left her after a few taunting “ _ beep-boop _ ” noises were slurred under her breath. 

The short smile she held brought to light the last time she smiled due to the maiden, both in the medbay. Two times, she thought decisively, both blurred flashes of the exact things she felt and not what was being said between them. But they didn’t matter now.

It felt just like how every sweet memory with Kalinda was unceremoniously tarnished by the way she treated her. Why it took her so long to realize Kalinda's mistreatment of her was a mystery to her. Even now, Kalinda's grip felt as though it could grab at her neck at any point and halt her progress remained a haunting realization; Peebee didn't want to walk down the same road again and that she may not have the choice to deny it.

The flurry of realizations and back and forth thinking left her with a headache, wishing that Lexi had never crossed her path and that Kalinda would stop trying to.

**[ @ ]**

It remained to be completely daunting, to Lexi’s standards, that she let herself come so far to be met with the idea that someone had already unknowingly brought the recollection of her unsavory romantic past back to light. 

Peebee’s words were unforgettable, each word memorized, studied, and re-lived in observation of the reflective truths of the matter. Even though she came to understand that this was perhaps the only way of retaliation after their last encounter, it didn’t change the fact the words did indeed hurt her. She wondered if she had handled the situation differently that maybe she could have salvaged the potential of their relationship with one another.

What she loathed the most was her teasing.

Peebee was intelligent, a fact that she would never disregard or take for granted. When Peebee began to openly and very obviously subject her to frequent taunting, Lexi knew there was something decidedly vicious about it. The words were deliberately made to find and pinpoint weakness in her. The maiden was perceptive, even in what everyone to be a short attention span, nothing rarely got by her, and in those moments it felt as though that talent was weaponized against her. 

Instead of meeting her retaliation, she analyzed Peebee’s behavior.

Lexi cursed herself for being so analytical about it, trying to find reasons, solutions to the equations that Peebee frequently presented to her. It proved Peebee’s point, and the several points made over the years of her life. It became a noticeable trend when the analytical portion of her mind was celebrated academically but chastised in relationships. Solving the ins and outs of the anatomical body didn’t transfer well to the same methods applied romantically. Every person was their own cognitive equation, considering the intricacies of personality, the reason for action and inaction. She saw them, her past partners, in a way that reflected a comforting method of expressing her affection.

She found love in the way she studied and dissected the multitude of diversity in anatomy in several species across the galaxy, the beauty in each expressed in small intricate details. Lexi had hoped to share that same love with a partner, though different in nature, discerning the two became a more trying task than she imagined.

That was why, she guessed, that even though Peebee’s words had hurt her they weren’t unfamiliar to her. What caused the lingering pain with the thought that even in a new galaxy something as clandestine as love would remain unattainable, that she may continue to be unlovable.

She thought it impolite in the celebratory moods of finally gaining the trust of the angara to let those thoughts stew in her mind. Aya was undoubtedly captivating, the flora gorgeously incorporated into the boulevards that weaved along the hillside. It was worth taking in, enough so that she spent several moments off the Tempest simply to sit among the people, find warmth in the glowering sun and peace of mind in the warm gentle breeze.

It gave space to thoughts that felt cluttered and congested in tight spaces, gave her room to breathe. It took short moments to find a place of tranquility, clarity of mind but they were short lived.

_ “Is Peebee still in the museum?” _ Easily identified as Ryder in the communication channel the tempest held in private from the angara just in case. Even the name sent a mix of displeasure and mild infatuation. She thought it funny that of all places Peebee would find herself in a place like Aya it would be the museum.

_ “Think so.”  _ Liam hastily answered,  _ “Last I heard she was nicely irrigated with horizontal lubricant if you know what I mean.” _

_ “She was-- wait, what?” _ Cora said, sighing.  _ “Nevermind, if Peebee is wasted in the museum someone should collect her before we have a political incident. Should also have her escorted to the medbay.” _

Their words gave her pause, her initial reaction was to stand, find Peebee, check on her status, but she remained seated. The move alone would be considered intrusive in Peebee’s mind and therefore unwelcomed. There was no reason to extend a hand of assistance if it would only be adamantly rejected. However, unless Peebee was in danger, or faced bodily harm, there was no reason why she should put the extra effort only to be chastised once again.

There was a moment of static, a myriad of feedback that made her flinch away from the earpiece.  _ “I don’t need -“ _ Peebee’s words sounding distant before they cut off, and then back again at more audible volumes. _ “I don’t appreciate you guys trying to—“ _ a hiccup interrupted her, Lexi’s brows furrowing,  _ “—trying to serve me up be dissected.” _

Lexi hadn’t intended on participating in the conversation, letting it play out seemed to be the better decision. Upon hearing another dissection joke, she said, “I'm sure that Peebee, _ if she needs it _ , will find her way to the medbay,” said flatly. “Though, I'm sure she can manage on her own.”

_ “Finally!”  _ Peebee half blurted into the comm line.  _ “You finally get it.” _ Her hiccup making another sound in the comms.

_ “Lexi?” _ Ryder said shortly, _ “be on stand-by… please.” _

Lexi suppressed her sigh, noting her own exasperation at knowing that even if Peebee would adamantly resist relinquishing herself into her care, Lexi couldn’t help but feel concern for her.

With a final “Of course, Ryder,” as her answer, Lexi remained seated for a few seconds before standing from her chosen spot to return to the Tempest. 

**[ @ ]**

It wasn’t the hangover she regretted, nor the fact that Vetra personally hand delivered her to the medbay after she became unknowingly belligerent. What Peebee regretted was being placed in a situation that only garnered additional guilt—being brought back in Lexi’s charge. 

The first hour or so before falling asleep remained a blur, fragmented flashes of an out of perspective journey between the museum and the medbay. After waking up in the medbay, scanning terminals arching over her curled body, and a pillow and blanket added to her medical bed itinerary, Peebee was immediately deterred on getting up by the induced pounding in her skull by sudden movement.

The first voice she heard was Lexi’s speaking about something along the lines of dehydration and electrolytes, two things she could have cared less about over the dull throb in cranium.

“—are dimmed in case you’re experiencing a sensitivity to light.” Clear, concise and most of all, robotic. It felt impersonal, like she was just another patient. However, Peebee’s expectations weren’t any higher than that. Lexi had proven time and time again that she, and the other members of the Tempest were nothing but patients; identification numbers that saw a little more danger than the rest of the Nexus Community and had to be babysat via her.

Peebee balled her fist into the blanket, only the top half of her face above the bridge of her nose exposed enough to squint at Lexi who sat comfortably at the medbay workstation.

“If the lights are still too bright I can—“

“They’re fine.” Her voice muffled, hoarse, under the blankets, but clearly still audible by the expression Lexi gave.

“So you are coherent, a good sign.” Lexi said, her gaze towards Peebee short, observant. “Behind you, on the panel surface is a glass of water. I suggest drinking it.”

“Already know the drill.” Peebee said, clearing her throat only to be faced with the dry spell it was enduring and the pain that came with the action. She turned over to reach for the glass, her first attempt at a sip made without sitting up properly and spilled on the medical bed’s surface. “Don’t think Vetra could smuggle a few straws, do you?” Lexi didn’t answer, and when Peebee turned back over—mostly to void the new wet spot—Lexi’s attention remained plastered to the datapad in her hand, slightly swiveling in the chair by the applied pressure of her foot to the floor. Peebee sunk back under the blankets, the edges circling just under her eyes, unable to look away from the maiden.

She didn’t expect any pleasantries beyond what she was required professionally- the same  _ ‘blah blah’ _ jargon she usually spouted that, in the eyes of anyone else, would probably be worth heeding. However, Peebee couldn’t get passed the fact that Lexi’s methods weren’t straight forward. She believed it to be disguised by an effort to create personal relationships, even cultivate friendships. It wasn’t exactly underhanded, but devised another layer of deceit to sift through when choosing to answer any question, personal or professional.

It bothered her enough to grumble a displeased and jeering, “Have you diagnosed me yet?”

To the question, Lexi simply raised a brow, pausing in her motions but not looking away from her datapad, “Are you ill?”

“No, but I know you’ve been trying to figure me out.”

“Figure you out?” Lexi parroted, the slight lilt in her words speaking to confusion.

“ _ Yes,  _ don’t play dumb —you’re going to try and tell me what’s wrong with me, why I am the way I am.”

Lexi set the datapad down, turning chair to face Peebee. “You know,” she began, a short laugh at the end of her words, “it’s difficult to take you seriously when you’re glaring at me from under a blanket, but if you must know, I have no idea. Diagnosing you wasn’t exactly on my to-do list.”

“Sure.” Peebee scoffed, closing her eyes momentarily, before asking, “Where are we? The Tempest I mean. What planet are we on?”

“Eos. Kallo suggested a trip back and Ryder was happy to oblige.”

“Anyone on the ship?”

“Besides Kallo, Suvi and Gil? No.”

“Great.” Peebee groaned, wanting to take another drink of the water but unhappily aware of Lexi’s attention on her—having Dr.T’Perro watch her drink water like a dribbling baby sprouted bouts of embarrassment. She much rather lay in silence, or better, leave the medbay entirely simply to be out of Lexi’s presence. Even as she festered in her thoughts, Lexi returned to her datapad, back to swiveling in her chair.

In an idle state Peebee was left in a place of observation, that Lexi was the only viable subject matter worth focusing on and therefore, let her half-lidded gaze settle comfortably there.

Now that she considered it, Peebee realized that the motions Lexi decided upon were some part childish, her chair turning back and forth, fidgeting as a way to hold focus, or maybe express that she wasn’t focused at all. The concurrent thought being nuanced into simplicity that the motions were also some parts cute. It reminded her that the last they were in the medbay together they kissed, and that alone served as a viable distraction if any; that maybe if put in the same location with the same, if not similar, circumstances, that they would kiss again--  _ maybe _ .

It would take more than just the coincidental physical examination to lay any tension of perspective physicality to bring them to a final breaking point. They were at a crossroads, streets that spelled desire and despair that intersected at an inconvenience.

But she couldn’t remember the last time she could recall calling anything Kalinda did cute.

**[ @ ]**

It was impractical, Lexi believed, to try and be so inconspicuous about her lack of focus. The words on the datapad were being scanned by her eyes but the data was not retained or remembered by the time she reached the bottom of the page. As Ryder had guessed, Peebee’s stupor on Aya ended with a trip back to the medbay leaving Lexi to face the memories of a similar situation.

But it was made clear, by Peebee’s never ending glare, and insinuations of a pending diagnosis that the last situation would remain a memory and nothing more. Lexi believed that it was for the better, that they kept their distances, played out in some faux friendly rivalry that wouldn’t even cross the minds of their crew members.

Even so, she found herself troubled. Lexi could simultaneously find herself begrudging an encounter with Peebee and wishing for one. Faced with the same attitudes consistently and still being met with emotions that she should have chided herself for. It was no secret that Peebee could be rude, hurtful, but in those moods, she was in a discernible place that she could no more judge than guess.

Lexi wanted to ask what changed between them.

Though they split after their encounter and Peebee seemed displeased with the outcome, they had never been truly hostile or combative. As the days passed, it felt as though Peebee grew more purposely combative for no reason or at least a reason she didn’t understand. The doctor began to vehemently believe that if she did ask, she wouldn’t get an honest answer. There was no reason to place herself back into a moment of vulnerability. 

Lexi noticed Peebee begin to slip into a nap, and couldn’t help but notice how the way she looked pulled at her heartstrings. Even though she had spent the short span of time awake glaring and posing accusations, Peebee looked pleasant, adorable even.

It was the only thought after so many that she allowed to stay, that in that moment Peebee looked at peace, tired but at peace, under the protection of the blanket she twisted herself in.

Had Lexi been an opportunist, and in better standing with the maiden, she would have taken a picture, but instead simply enjoyed the moment.


	4. don’t ask any questions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 Notes.  
1\. i didn't go back and read this one through. if you find typos i apologize. it's more likely that ill probably go back and fix stuff as i find it in re-reads, but again, my b
> 
> 2\. I think one chapter left tbh, which mean i will have fit my goal of 5 chapters. im not gunna say that the last will be the longest, but it might be.

What continuously became a reconsidered concept was that of romantic absolution; not along the lines of a pardon to her mildly sybaritic fantasies but for even considering it. What Lexi knowingly starved for was a lingering connection that, if it had never been initiated, it would have not bothered her today or any other day. However, the ever haunting _ “what if” _ became more of a maxim than a passing thought. It was abrasive, gripped her by the heart and reminded her of the lucrative extent that the possibility of love could bring.

But it wasn’t love, Lexi noted firmly, it was admiration of possibilities—a very clear case of thunderous and incurable infatuation.

Peebee wasn’t made for love.

It was the short fire of passion and curiosity that she felt in their memorable encounter that represented the entirety of her romantic being. The idea of her heart being capable of being tied to another was incredulous, and in knowing that she felt a strange sense of heartbreak.

The very admittance of that on its own made her laugh humorlessly, self-pity apparent in every airy exhale. It was hopeless, the attachment her heart seemed set on that her mind saw the clarity in its inevitable flaws.

It had pushed her to a point that on the Nexus, she began to frequent Vortex to a degree that even she would have disagreed with. Where she couldn’t find the answers that she wanted, she constantly attempted to seek solace in whatever may have been on tap that particular day.

It was easier to conclude that it wasn’t knowing love that she truly wanted from Peebee, or anyone else for that matter, but simply experiencing it again; though she once again clarified to herself that it was not love. More in point, she gave in to the idea that her thoughts and feelings stemmed from an age-old habit that she considered overdue.

In the past, the same habit showed itself impulsively, grabbing and gripping at the nearest heart in hopes of a connection. That connection was then torn apart, dissected into the facets of her liking in the hopes of finding something nameless and reassuring. She sought the same reassurances in reticent actions, to be seen as untrustworthy words of doubt, when they were anything but.

In the most recent past, when she was alone during what they considered the night cycle, her heart began to splinter into discernible shards of overtly lucid daydreams. They were always the same—fingers gripped at arms in leather, close leanings to shared whispered words through dreamy smiles where lips drifted closely with every word. Their conversations meaningless, an inauthentic reason simply crafted so she could be close to her.

Occasionally, she let herself linger into uncharted territories of her sexual psyche to explore the confines of her heart’s inclinations. They were fanciful ideas of passionate encounters that made every touch a considerable show of communication, or better, that they would say more than words could ever begin to describe. It was the gibberish of the heart, that it could not be heard or translate but wholly known by two who could understand the unique message being sent from one touch to the next. It was no simple thing, Lexi knew, to let herself delve into those long day dreams, though it never deterred her from them.

The more it persisted over time, the more Lexi found herself teetering on the edge of action. Inflated Ideals of romantic encounters turned to an undeniable desire to try, to face Peebee with some sort of cinematic admission with cliché results of ordained love and affection. Any encounter Peebee and herself may have had, be it a short passing in Tempest halls or patching minor injuries between tasks, would be tainted with the curious thoughts that would linger at the surface but remain reserved. Lexi wondered if she clawed at the idea of companionship simply for intimacy; the modesty of the honest touch of a lover and nothing more.

However, after several moments of contemplating the state of her_ “it's not love” _ argument, Lexi realized what she wanted was closure. What she had with Peebee was a strictly gray area simply caused by Peebee’s waning actions and unpredictable attitudes. Lexi felt that there was no way to discern their relation with one another based off the encounters they had where half played friendly and others they did not. There was a need for distinct clarity of what they were to each other, the defining word for their relation.

She wondered, if possible, that when Peebee sought her company once again or fell into it unwillingly, if she could coax the action; an admission would be preferred, confronted with the results of her deeds. 

It would have to be a mix of inquiry and a challenge, a clear act to outsmart to pull her ego into play to force a decision. But she doubted it; in her thoughts, she still took Peebee's probable reactions into account, namely her ability to play the escape artist at will.

Lexi decided to remain a bystander in her own issues, let herself believe that her desire for control over an uncontrollable situation lose prominence in her thoughts and consideration. In favor, she chose to stick to the wandering thoughts, choosing not to fight them when they came and let them run their course in her mind and heart until they faded.

Lexi surmised that whatever she thought may happen between them was and would be nothing more than a fleeting daydream.

The sudden gyration of the Tempest interrupted any other concluding thoughts that served as a matter of placating the situation. Initially she wondered if it was the Archon again, sending a member of his fleet, or the elite brand of soldiers they hunted the Luscinia with to hunt the Tempest down. 

It made her stand, tune into comms that she had previously muted for a moment to herself. When she tuned in the first she heard was Peebee’s plan, a hair brained scheme that had them hurtling at a dangerous planet via escape pod. 

**[ @ ]**

It was imperfect in every way from methodology to structure. Peebee’s plan was crafted simply on impulse and executed by the same distinct idiosyncrasy she was known for, Peebee faced the imperfections of an imperfect plan only to be met at a personal impasse. The truth of her past with Kalinda and how it contended with the concept of forgiveness.

Even though the undue confrontation in her apartment, the theft of her proof of concept, and finding any and every way to intersect her progress had made her believe that Kalinda would never change, she wanted to forgive her. It was an urge similar to the one that had resurfaced when it was made clear that she didn’t want Kalinda dead.

It was a part of herself that Peebee feared meant she was slipping back into Kalinda’s grip, how she hooked and preyed on Peebee’s capacity to forgive only to turn back against her. She considered it sentimental, a move made on the foundation of an expansive history, and floating across the cosmos with nothing but old memories buried in its enigmatic existence. She didn’t hate Kalinda, not at her core. 

Peebee was sure that in knowing that she didn't want Kalinda dead, her own peril made it clear that she didn't feel attached. Her feelings, or what she could gather herself weren't left an in an unincorporated gray that tended to fault to it's last affliction. They diverted to Lexi and remained in a condition she didn't think likely.

Lexi, unlike Kalinda, had been understanding and open to her regardless of the way she talked to her or made her feel. Peebee knew that it couldn't have been because of her but because Lexi, at her core, was that way and it was what she wanted.

For every moment on that uncharted planet that her life was in danger, a persistent reality was that if she perished the chance to know whether or not Lexi would one day be open to her would immediately be taken away. That, along with the realization that she wanted to stay with the Tempest crew, convinced her to consider the unthinkable--_ stay _.

Before she confessed her new epiphany to the entire crew, Peebee made it a point to speak with Lexi first.

**[ @ ]**

Lexi, in an effort to remain level headed, put off reading any report as a result of Peebee's surprise excursion. 

She adamantly listened in on their comms throughout the entire mission. It was a practice she didn’t particularly liked, learning to temper her worry when they were out and about, and knowing that she wanted to be prepared for anything and everything. 

Lexi had never been faced with a situation where she could physically feel helplessness manifested in a way that jarred her nerves to the point of sickness. It wasn't enough to know that Ryder and Drack had been on that planet with her, but she feared for their lives and safety, especially Peebee. 

Lexi sat in the med bay in the final hours of the cycle with the Pas-10 report ready to be reviewed and yet she hesitated to even pick up the data pad. She knew what it would say, how they were stranded, how much danger they were in and what kind of damage was a result. She could see the images in her head, all three stuck between impossible terrain, lava, and unexpected mercenaries that only wished to bring them closer to death.

It wasn’t what was in the report that made her resistant, but knowing that she would live through the emotions unwillingly. 

The sound of the med bay doors opening behind her pulled her attention, turning in chair to see Peebee standing in the doorway.

“Peebee? Are you alright?” Lexi moved to stand from her chair.

“Don’t ask any questions.” Peebee said, hands hidden behind her back. 

Lexi’s gaze sparked confusion, “I don’t know how you would expect to not ask questions if-”

“Just don’t.” Peebee interrupted, slowly crossing the threshold of the med bay.

_ “I-- _”Lexi’s confusion didn’t fade, but grew exponentially. “-I don't understand.”

Peebee held out a singular data disc towards her, jabbing it in her direction to take. “Don’t listen to it until I leave, and don’t ask any questions.”

She hesitated at first, “What’s on-”

“No questions.” She interrupted again, “Just taking.” 

After a moment, Lexi took the data disc and began to ask another question but Peebee made her way back out of the med bay before she could get another word in. Lexi retreated back to her spot with the data disc in her hand, still curious as to what could have possibly been on the device. Her first guess was parts of the report that Ryder may have missed, details that Peebee could have only relayed since it was her choice mission. When she hovered over the disc with her omni-tool, it only contained a singular audio file. 

She copied the data to be played.

* * *

**[ AUDIO FILE // 00000003**

**[DURATION // 3.23**

Lexi, well Dr. T’Perro, it's Peebee--but you… you probably already knew that. 

**[ … ]**

Anyways, I've been thinking a lot about** [ … ] **well a lot of things. 

I know that we haven't seen eye to eye on **[ … ]** a lot--well, you probably know that too. 

I mean, you were there for it so.

**[ … ] **

What I'm trying to say is that I like you. 

I like that you're understanding and open. 

And I think about** [ … ]** well, ‘us’ more than I know I should. 

And I know that you said you didn't want to cross some **[ … ] ** _ shit _ , ** [ ... ] **what did you say? 

Professional, doctor-patient line or whatever and I get that but I thought _ ‘why the hell not!’ _

**[ … ]**

It wouldn't hurt to, you know, try--like really try, a real try.

Well** [ … ] ** uh **[ … ]** if you don't want to you can just go back to what you're doing, pretend this never happened. 

But if you do, you know where to find me--or maybe not, the escape pod is gone. 

_ Dammit _

**[ … ] **

I'll just be around! 

The tempest of course. 

**[ … ] **

That could have gon--

**[ AUDIO END ]**

* * *

At the end of the recording Lexi felt bound by the constraints of two very different emotions; being enamored and dealing with a developing consternation.

The recording itself felt like it could have been something conjured up in some quixotic daydream thought of by the fanciful parts of the subconscious. It was an admission of interest, one she didn't expect.

Lexi started to believe that maybe there was something wrong with her, that instead of finding herself swooned over the words that remained as a gentle echo in her mind she questioned it. She, by habit, couldn't help but compare and contrast their moments together, their interactions, separating the pleasant daydreams for the realistic moments that help the truth.

Peebee drew her in and pushed her away. Peebee was distinctly charming and endearing but turned combative and argumentative on whims that were unexplained and questionable. Those realizations and recollections battled with her own truth in an attempt to disprove that she liked Peebee. It turned to a point that she wondered if she liked Peebee because of the conceived parts of her derived from the pleasant moments between them. When broached with any internal discussion about her daydreams it became clear that her mind may have embellished the idealistic image of Peebee she held.

However, she didn't leave out the fact that if she were to pass on the opportunity that it may never arise again. If it came to be that she desperately wanted to voice her own affections to Peebee, she may face the same rejection she was considering.

Lexi sat the data disc on the desk's surface and spent several moments in silence, her gaze fixed on the object of her internal quarrels. What she thought was some parts funny was that she only sought to vet the validity of the recording and what it meant and not any possible ramifications of the personal breach of code not to date patients. It became a footnote in her considerations, where there were plenty of excuses to ignore it that she didn't immediately reject.

The only absolute in her mind was that she would have to give Peebee an answer.

**[ @ ]**

Lexi smoothed out her skirt for what felt like the fourth time. She didn’t immediately answer Peebee’s message, but instead decided to wait until the night cycle kicked into full swing for the crew. When most had begun to retreat to their beds, she privately requested Peebee to come to the med bay.

All she could do now was wait.

The seconds began to feel too long. Lexi started to think that Peebee would never come, and assume that she wouldn’t answer the audio message, but those worries were quickly quelled at the sound of the med bay doors sliding open. 

Peebee curiously entered the med bay, the doors sliding to a close behind her.

“Please.” Lexi bade her further into the med bay where she stood so the med bay doors would close behind her. Peebee complied meeting to face her in front of the full body display.

“Didn’t mean to make you wait. There was an issue with- well not really an issue, but definitely a problem..” Peebee started, fidgeting with a buckle on the side of her thigh. “Its solved now, so nothing to worry about. Anyways, _ here I am! _” Her goofy smile and comically shrugged shoulders made lexi smile.

“Peebee,” Lexi chuckled, “You don’t have to explain. I know that there is something else we need to talk about.” 

“Okay listen before you start-” Peebee raised her palms to halt her, “If you just want to go ahead and say what I think you’re going to say, you don’t have to.”

“What do you think I’m going to say?” Lexi asked, folding her hands behind her back, curious.

“That it’s not _ professional _ to talk about, that were crossing some…” her hands waved flippantly, “ _ line _ if we decide to- _ I don't know _\- try something out.”

“That's the problem, Peebee.” Lexi sighed, “what is _ something _? What does that mean? You can’t even define it.” a pause, “and neither could I.”

“Don’t think so hard about it.” Peebee said lightheartedly, “Just think about this- obviously there’s _ something _ . It’s not perfect, it doesn’t have a set meaning, but there’s a feeling. You know- _ that feeling _ .” when Lexi only stared back at her, she continued on. “It’s- _ its _…” Peebee huffed at first, humorlessly laughing, “Its conflicting! You’re not sure whether we like each other or hate each other- well I don’t think we necessarily hate each other but-”

“I understand.” Lexi said softly, gaze distant at first. “I understand completely.” She could feel her finger idly fidgeting behind her. 

Lexi couldn’t bring herself to look directly at the maiden. She was stuck at a crossroads. Initially she planned to turn the proposition down, that Peebee was right. She had planned to deliver the same speech she had in the past, sticking to her protest of ethics and professionalism. As she stood alone in the med bay and then not, her mind had teetered on changing to something different. 

The yearning heart she harbored ached at the idea of turning Peebee away, and the feeling grew when the maiden appeared before her. She began to wonder if it was so wrong to want something different, to break habits that were first instilled for a reason. Was Peebee worth going back on her own word, was she worth pursuing something so categorically frivolous against the bigger picture?

The constant circle of choosing to say no and say yes felt as though it might bring her to tears if lasted longer than she could take. 

**[ @ ]**

Peebee sensed distress. Not only in herself but in Lexi as she stood. Her expression had fallen, the furrowing brows, tightness in her shoulders. She began to feel guilty. 

Peebee had put Lexi in a compromising place, and it felt undoubtedly selfish. She wanted to let what they had flourish, she wanted to stop teetering between being in or out. It was all what she wanted, and not once for a moment did she consider the lasting consequences for Lexi. Peebee took a step forward, watching Lexi stiffen as she drew closer. 

“Lexi, I-” Peebee’s shoulders dropped as her arms fell to her sides, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have put you in this situation.” Her gaze averting to the floor.

Peebee felt a warm touch against her cheek. Her eyes meeting Lexi’s gazing into hers, a pleading silence shimmering in the green of her eyes. She felt her heart swell into an impossible size, that could have made her chest burst at any point, her breath feeling shallow. Peebee could almost prescribe the gaze to pain. She could only assume the pain of making a choice she couldn’t

She would she could have taken it all back. That she had turned her back on the situation all together, left Lexi be. Regret washed over her like a hard wave daring to drown her. Peebee closed her eyes, leaning into the hand that touched her. She wanted to savor it, knowing that it threatened to be the first and only time that Lexi would touch her in a way she had only dreamt about.

It echoed against past day dreams, past desires. All she wanted was to stay in the comfort of her warmth, under the blanket of her affection. 

**[ @ ]**

This became unbearable in a sense that she didn’t fully understand. She had protested to the idea of love so adamantly. She didn’t love Peebee but her resolve felt weak. She stood to break own heart, and dared to be overwhelmed, overstimulated, and exhausted all at once. 

Feeling Peebee lean into her touch had pushed her beyond her limit. Leaving the touch behind to wrap her arms around the maiden, burying her face in the crook of her neck.

She felt Peebee wrap her arms around her in reaction, slow and deliberate. Lexi could feel tears roll down her cheeks, a whimsical laugh leaving her. She thought it almost pitiful that she could manage tears over something as basic as a hug. She presumed that it may have been more than that but she didn’t have the heart to keep analyzing every behavior she came across in this moment. Peebee hadn’t said anything in reaction, but only held her in that moment, and it was honestly all she wanted.

She let out another short laugh, moving away but not entirely out of Peebee’s hold, wiping away tears under eyes. “I don’t think you understand how much I’ve wanted to do… _ this _. Ridiculous, I know but-”

“It’s not ridiculous.” Peebee quickly contested. “I might have been in the same boat, but not enough to cry about it.” She said, smiling lopsidedly.

“Oh, don’t do that.” Lexi sniffled, letting out a short chortle, lightly hitting her shoulder. “It’s bad enough that I did it, I don’t need you pointing it out to me.”

Her tears subsided almost as fast as they appeared, the stress feeling like it had finally cracked under the weight she dutifully carried. Peebee was still watching her, her smile softening. Lexi decidedly returned back into Peebee’s hold, finding her place back among the warmth of Peebee’s neck. 

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Lexi said against the skin of her neck, wanting nothing more than to just stand in the embrace without complications or conversation. Peebee seemed to comply when she didn’t answer, but instead began to gently sway with her in arms.

**[ @ ]**

They hadn’t really spoken in a while, Peebee noted. With their journey across the Heleus cluster growing more intense, finding Meridian, and the Archon on their heels, She could understand why. Peebee had remained laser focused on the remnant tech that she found was the reason why the Archon wanted Ryder. She wanted to pull her own weight on the team, play a part in stopping him and exaltation. 

It left little to no room for socialization in her mind. 

But there were late working nights that she found herself in private channels with Lexi. 

They talked in revelation of a growing insomnia that increased with stress, or at least that’s Lexi kept telling her. She didn’t dissuade Lexi’s chastising over staying awake far too late knowing that she would eventually pitch the fact the Lexi was also still awake. 

They started simple, discussing their past interactions, recalling moments that were explained as either angry posturing or resistance to the fact that they could have gotten along. As the weeks passed, she and Lexi delved into more personal topics. 

She had shared details about herself, leaving her origins brief and delving deeper in the years that she spent exploring the Milky Way. All the odd jobs and tasks that she underwent left plenty of opportunities to share with Lexi. 

Peebee, in all honesty, couldn’t have imagined such a colorful past on an asari like Lexi, her stories almost outlandish. If she hadn’t been born on Omega Peebee may not have believed it for a second. When Lexi got into her stories, she had been adamant to listen, even if it meant getting distracted for a second just to devote attention to another window into her life.

_ “You know,” _ Lexi started after a momentary pause, coming through their private channel. _ “You shouldn’t let me keep you up. I’ve seen the work you do, if I’m distracting you-” _

“It’s more distracting when you try to tell me that you’re distracting me.” Peebee snorted, hunching over the next set of rem-tech she meant to analyze. If anything, having Lexi sometimes speak softly in her ear kept her relaxed, where she tended to dip into stress.

There was a long moment of silence, then, “_ I’ve been thinking of something.” _

“Something other than Kett or Angara anatomy? That’s new.” Peebee smiles, rolling her shoulders and neck before returning back to her work a minor huff leaving her. 

_ “Very funny. Is it your back again?” _ Lexi asked, concern flaring in her tone. _ “I could take a look at it again if you’d like.” _

Peebee shook her head, knowing that she couldn’t have mistaken the fact that Lexi could hear and understand her motions without asking at this point. Endearing in its own way, she surmised. “Maybe. I’ll keep you in the loop Lexi- don’t get distracted, you were saying something before.” 

_ “Right, right. I was thinking about us. Well, if anyone had caught on that we have become-” _ She could hear Lexi thoughtfully exhale.

If she had to guess Vetra and Drack would probably be the ones to notice first, Kallo a close third. However, they hadn’t made it a point to say anything that would have lead them to think anything between them had changed to the degree that it did. Even when opportunity came, she was never a stranger to subtly winking at Lexi when she caught her eye and found amusement in her varied eye rolls and mildly modest smiles in reaction. Though she grew more daring about when, where, or who was around when she did, as time went on, she never took it decidedly too far beyond that.

At most, when they had seen each other in front of the team, their exchanges were short. They shared simple hellos and goodbyes that were commended by Ryder for quarreling what they guessed was a past rivalry. That may all it might have been to everyone, and with everything that was going on, it didn’t need to be any different than that.

“What we have become.” Peebee reiterated, partially amused, “What _ have _ we become doctor?” she asked in jest, “perhaps something scandalous? An affair? Or _ worse-” _

_ “Oh stop it, you’re impossible.” _

Peebee smiled when she heard the entertained hum, but went on, “In all honesty, I don’t think anyone really cares. At least, not right now.” 

_ “You’re right.” _ Lexi sighed, quietly groaning, _ “There’s far too much going on, too much to do.” _

Peebee fully understood the extent of her work, but she felt sympathetic to Lexi’s situation. With several people to look after, she had been going back and forth between everyone. Their mental and physical well-being had sat at the top of her concerns as the days passed, and there wasn’t a moment that Peebee didn’t notice the stress that it induced. She presumed that was why they talked in later hours, when most of the crew spent their time relaxing or recuperating. 

“How many reports have you gotten through?” Peebee asked through a yawn, to be met with silence. 

She didn’t mind it, assumed he may have fallen asleep or fell victim to the same laser focus that she often found herself in. More moments passed without an answer, and it made the maiden pause in her work. If Lexi had fallen asleep in her chair again, it would mean latent back pain the next cycle which in turn would be more stress. It could have possibly been another night-walker, the term she deemed for the crew members that wandered down the halls to find her. Sleepless nights weren’t necessarily uncommon, and it they became common, LExi was always the go to for a simple solution. 

Twenty more minutes passed without answer that Peebee started to toy with the idea of checking on Lexi in the med bay. 

Ten more minutes passed and she was already halfway through the Tempest’s low lighting towards the med bay.

When she approached, the doors slid open to Lexi cradling a data pad in her arms, eyes closed.

Peebee snorted through soft smile at the sight. She moved quietly into the med bay to approach the snoozing asari, moving to take the data pad from her hand and place it on the desk among others. She placed her hand on the back of the chair over Lexi’s shoulder, slowly swiveling the chair to face her, coming to eye level by bending at the hip.

“Hey, Doc.” Peebee said softly at first, watching Lexi’s eyes blink open. “I know a doctor that would tell me that sleeping in a chair is bad for you, but I can’t seem to recall which one.”

Lexi yawned at first, that slowly degraded into a tired laugh. “Says the asari who continues to willingly sleep on the floor which-by the way- is _ much _worse.”

Peebee watched as the doctor continued to regain her bearings after the light nap, sorry that she had interrupted what seemed peaceful and well deserved sleep. It also reminded her how long it had been since she ventured into the med bay with a sense of privacy with Lexi. Normally there was someone under Lexi’s charge, and the Tempest during the day cycle was normally to busy to be kept in one place for too long. 

The last time, Lexi had relinquished herself into her arms, and formally agreeing that they wouldn’t talk about what they were and where they were going. Instead they settled on just simply being friendly with one another with a discretion that wouldn’t give anything away to their crewmates.

“It’s a conscious decision. You’re doing it on accident- _ obvious _difference. Don’t fight me on it.” Peebee jokingly chiding in a tone that almost seemingly mocked Lexi.

“Please.” Lexi rolled her eyes, seemingly picking up on the jab, “You’d think by now you’d have been able to imitate me almost perfectly, as much as i get on to you about your habits.”

“I guess I’ve got this bad habit where I actually listen to what you’re saying half the time.” Lexi’s criticizing look made her add, “I said _ half.” _

Peebee watched as the doctor continued to regain her bearings after the light nap, sorry that she had interrupted what seemed peaceful and well deserved sleep. It also reminded her how long it had been since she ventured into the med bay with a sense of privacy with Lexi. Normally there was someone under Lexi’s charge, and the Tempest during the day cycle was normally to busy to be kept in one place for too long. 

The last time, Lexi had relinquished herself into her arms, and formally agreeing that they wouldn’t talk about what they were and where they were going. Instead they settled on just simply being friendly with one another with a discretion that wouldn’t give anything away to the Tempest crew.

Peebee never believed that the crew would have any issue with what they were slowly creating together. More so, she felt that it was a move purely made for Lexi. The doctor had explained why she preferred secrecy once to her when she asked. She explained that she had worked so hard to get as far as she had, not only in the Milky Way but in Andromeda. To have that be discredited or even disregarded because she chose her own feelings over her profession was out of the question. Lexi loved being a doctor, found genuine joy in what she did. 

“_ Peebee _.” Lexi said earnestly, Peebee noticing that she may have been talking to her, and she had zoned out. The doctor’s eyes searching her own with curiosity. “You should rest.” Her hand reached to touch her cheek, but drew pause in hesitation. 

Peebee’s hand touched hers to press it against her cheek, the motion so simple yet it made her chest swell. She leaned into the touch, eyes closing. 

When Lexi moved to stand, she moved them into another embrace, moving into her arms. It felt like the culmination of weeks of banter, personal conversations, and resisted urges had emptied out in the moment. Peebee thought it was funny that after all she had been through, what she had felt, she felt more comfort and emotion in a small simplistic hug than any other romantic gesture she could have recalled being a part of in her lifetime. She could stay here for days, weeks even.

Her arms squeezed around Lexi, letting out a deep sigh of relief. It meant a lot to her to hold affections for Lexi that only seemed to grow with every passing day. 

“Is this... “ Lexi said, her cadence affected by exhaustion, “_ strange _?”

“Only if you think about it too hard.” Wondering if it was another uprising of uncertainty, Peebee soothed her tone, and said, “I know it’s not ideal, Lexi, but I know there isn’t anywhere else I’d want to be right now.”

Peebee felt Lexi pull back though the doctor’s arms stayed adamantly around her. Under the dimmed light Lexi’s face was so close to her that she could catch the subtle glint of golden flecks at the edges of her pupil under low lids. Peebee didn’t her mind prevail over what was a look she could never define, but it undoubtedly drew her to Lexi. Where she didn’t understand it, her heart did. She hadn’t dared to kiss her, but instead had drawn so close and her arms had tightened so that she felt her lip draw against against the warmth of parted lips. It was nothing indelicate, only basking in a new closeness between them.

Peebee was unsure which had started it; if her impatience had pressed her forward or if it was Lexi’s move closer against her that their lips had come together in full commitment. Lexi was slow, gentle, deliberate when her lips enclosed around her own, sensually drawing away only to instantly repeat the same motion in a connecting rhythm that she instantly picked up on. All she could think about was how soft her bottom lip was every time she nearly took it between her teeth. It was like a pillow against her own, slightly slicked and supple. 

When they pulled away, there was a distinct tingling at the skin of her lips. A shaky breath left her companion, whose eyes opened to look at her in a way she had never seen from Lexi before. It made her heart thud at an impossible pace. 

Lexi broke away from the look, abashedly choosing to lean herself back into Peebee’s hold, a nervous laugh leaving her. “_ Goddess _.” Lexi half whispered.

“That good huh?” Peebee said, tilting her head to just barely look at the maiden in the corner of her gaze. She felt Lexi laugh into the leather of her jacket, feeling arms tighten around her and leather squeezed in between finger tips.

_ “I hate you.” _ Lexi said sensing amusement among muffled words. 

“I thought you might.” Peebee took to swaying Lexi in her arms again, almost comically. 


End file.
